Secrets

It was from a conversation today with a long time friend that I realized that I've been wrong all this time.

I said before that I don't believe in friendship. I was wrong, somehow.

My friend, X said that I was in denial. He said that I indeed believe in friendship. " The way you treat people -you truly believe in the relationship that we all had." I was quite shocked.

In the end, one can never fools himself.

"Macam mana you say that you didn't believe in friendship. The way you treat your friends and so forth?"

" Come on Wan. Don't act cool. You know you believe in one."

I was dumbfounded. Even now I'm feeling dizzy and puzzled of all these. It is always like that whenever people is telling me about myself. Me in the eyes of other people.

" Tapi Wan, you have this  problem. You don't rely on friendship."

Erm?

" You never really allow people to understand you much. You're the only ones doing the contributing in friendship as if you never believe that other people can be nice and considerate . I found that unfair. It's like you don't respect your friends.You don't give ways to them to be nice to you.  "

God how he needs to know it is NOT like that, AT ALL.

" You're a terrible liar. People knows that you're making things up. Stop saying things as if you really mean what you're saying. People close to you knows that, at least. "

Ouch, that hits the target. Hard.

It's not true. Most things in my life was told to the people around me . How I am a pessimist, how my family is, how I got myself in the path of being an English teacher, how I am sceptical towards religion...it is all there to those who wants to know. I know I'm being defensive here but if that's what people are thinking about me, what can I say....

People have secrets . Secrets that even death can't open the seal of these God-protected secrets.