Baitul Muslim

To me, baitul muslim is beyond a marriage between a man and a woman. An important feature, yes, but not necessarily the only one.

From my own personal understanding, it is beyond two muslim individuals who are in progress towards the way of Allah; establishing a sacred covenant between them and the God, having families that strive to fulfill the path to the Heavenly Kingdom that is nigh. It is also more than a mere declaration of "thy kingdom come, thy will be done" from this religious contract made between this man and this woman.

We have to understand that a marriage is not a simple act of establishing connections between a man and a woman- in the words of our prophet, it is joining two big families- the bride's family and the groom's family.

As a man myself, I understand the need for marriage. After all, we were only young once. And we have urges. I also realise the almost natural inclinations of a human to desire for offsprings- the ones that will take your name, lead their life, have families themselves. I also realise the desire for a human to have a companion that he/she can share all his/her thoughts on, who can share all his/her fears, hopes,passion- something that only a loving wife or husband could provide. Friends come and go, but a loving, honest husband or wife, though a rarity these days, once we get a hold on them, your life could be so much fuller.

As an eldest brother, I always have this panicky dreams about my siblings. It is as if they are preparing myself for worst case scenarios.Sometimes I have a nightmare about how my sisters have married terrible, cheating guys and have a messy divorce. Having no shelter and no jobs, they have to resort to me, since I'm the eldest brother, especially if my parents are long gone- which will definitely happen to us humankind. Then I dreamt on how intolerant my wife is ( dreams are such a tease- why can't they make me remember my wife's FACE?) towards me helping my siblings.

Sometimes I wonder how much paranoid I can be indeed.

But the moral of the dreams I would say is that how important it is for my future wife to accept the fact that my family might be so dysfunctional to her eyes or her families'- yet she can embrace them altogether indiscriminately .

Sometimes love is not enough. Given enough frustration, walla, divorce. I've known quite a few people who love deeply for each other yet could no longer live with each other due to some external and internal reasons. 

I think a true baitul muslim fulfils those criteria. It is not some romantic notion of family and marriage. Love is not everything. Trust, responsibility, family bonding, religious importance, spiritual preparation and fulfilment- all contribute to this wonderful world of Islamic marriage- something that in history our Prophet had shown remarkably well , especially with his wife, Khadijah and the later wives.

So, to those who read this, no worries, I am not going to encourage you guys to get married, sometimes we can begin it with many hypothetical questions " I have a brother who is going to get married, what should I do?", " I have a friend who have desires to get married, what should I do?" , " I want to get married, what should I do?".

Then think this , " do you want to marry your own self, the one with your current state of discipline, routine, faith? What should you do?"

Salam.

p/s: On the other hand, I urge my Auckland friends to get married and have their walimah in Auckland. I can therefore have my free nasi minyak for lunch on that particular day. * wink wink*