Obsession.

I have this crazy obsession over being in the middle.

Some people do eventually realise that I'm not really as secular or as Islamic as I was thought to be or should be.

Yup, I have this grand obsession to bringing people alternative views on things that matter, things that happened, things that should be. When I am circled with friends who are religious, Islamic or politically conservative, I am the opposing force : I am the voice of liberalism, a campaigner of lesser grip by religion on governance, or an advocate for multiracial, multifaith society, When I am around very liberal people, I am the voice of tradition: I speak of the importance of Islamic tradition, the need for political ideology that incorporates Islamic ethos and freedom of expression hand by hand, and the need to respect the faith of the society, however ridiculous and outdated I think it is.

I don't know when I started having this kind of obsession, I suspect I might be really influenced by Ikem's lecture in the novel Anthills of the Savannah by Chinua Achebe,  but really, it starts to get wearisome.

Sure, I do have some topics that I am already decided on my stand is- but most of the time, I can't help myself telling some people that "Hey, stop a second. You see, how about we see it this way? How will that affect the legitimacy of your argument? Hey, that might be necessarily be the case . It might be explained this way , right? Hey, that's a brilliant argument, but how about we fill the loophole of your argument by an opinion that is truly paradoxical to yours? "

It's never about convincing people that you are right. For all I know, I might be wrong most of the time. I just want to spread the idea that things are not as easy-cut as some people think they are, or some things need to be analysed more critically.

But it starts to get boring,especially when I couldn't people who want to challenge me. I love to be proven wrong. But these days it is so easy for me to just agree to people- apparently I too am slowly being comfortable with my own stand. Urm, in a way it's a good idea. One could be a non-comformist for so long.

But I really love people who brings new ideas. New inspirations. New themes that speaks of harmony and flexibility and respect and acceptance and galore in the life that is short yet so awesome it ends in grandeur. Not debates. Most of the debates I watched are merely battle of wits and words, mostly emotions. I don't want that. I want ideas, I want perceptions.

Oh my, I do have an affinity to be a teacher/lecturer, somehow.