Individualism.

Dear diary,

I have the idea that I must somehow be what people expect me to be in one kind of a situation.


My idea of enjoying myself most is to be alone. Friends are great, but I like being alone in the sense that I will walk my own pace, I know my target and I am not bothered about some insignificant things in the journey. But life is not about enjoy alone, yup, and I know my status of a social species.

But deep alone, I need to accomplish something. 

I know my faith level in many things aren't that good either. My faith in God is almost minimal and my idea of harmony is tragic. My idea of 'heaven' is  acceptance. Yet, I always has this idea that let me suffer that, but please, not my friends, my families, and all the people I've known in my life. In my best way I try to answer as 'right' as possible on the questions I was asked about. The suffering is mine to bear, but let them found their answers- all the verses and the logic and the moral- let them be faithful to the One who deserves Faith in-though in reality I don't really believe in what I'm saying.

However...

The idea of evil intrigues me. What is evil actually? The manifestation of Satanic thought? Why is it so feared and frowned when it is certain that somehow the Kingdom of God will later be made manifest, surely? Are the sins so influential that the Holy Lovers even were thrown from the Garden, and the Son of God sacrificed himself for humanity, or some Prophet from the Line of Ishmael will say that his only ascension to the Prophethood is to instil back morality in the people.

I must seek this evil. The sages and the saints went to the light and they found the light. But often than not, they can never return to the people again. Their thoughts were  filled with light that they can never think as a mortal 'human' again. They are made immortal by the God(s) they believe in, and the very soul that they had are either crushed and melt in communion with the Truth.

I won't be that, for Evil is more temptating than the Truth.

Evil defies the Light and sought rebellion to the Kingdom. The Darkness are made manifest in each soul that even some saints themselves drown in false ecstasy and made unbeknownst to the opposite path they're going.

The Evil dares to defy the Truth, knowing its consequences. And so am I, the human that is foolish enough to do so. I seek of the understanding of Evil.Evil in its purest form. Evil that need not of sins and nastiness, who doesn't require bloodshed and treachery, an Evil that exists for the sake of being evil.

In this, I need a teacher. A teacher evil enough to believe that darkness comes to those who are willing to live upon its greatness without actually needing some teacher to help him do so. In this, I need all the God(s) to show me! Show me that you God(s) aren't afraid of me a human who are trying to defy you. This journey is a beginning.

Goodnight diary.

This post is a boring attempt to write something fictitious without having any desire to continue doing it. Life is boring, for now. Huhu.