At this moment, I know very little about the reality of teaching in itself . Sure, I think I'm pretty covered with regards to the theories behind learning and teaching, and from practicum during summer school 2010 and practicum in Onehunga High School, Auckland I've learnt somewhat on the learning environment , behaviour management and teaching obstacles, but all in all, I cannot say that I am prepared to teach.
Many people think of teaching as a noble profession, but at the same time regard it as a mediocre, low status, high-stress but low-paying job. A teacher is someone who cannot do anything more." Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." , as the saying goes. Even future teachers think of it as this. Tipulah if I said that I don't ever hold that perception before.
" Why struggle hard with my study if I will only ever be a teacher in the end? "
I am not going to provide any statements to support or rebuke that kind of opinion. People are free to believe in whatever they want. If they're satisfied with that kind of beliefs, fine. Also, not everyone got the chance to love what they are doing in life. Even millionaires may be depressed eventhough they are surrounded by life pleasures, and even the pious will sometimes question their deities for the things they have to face in life.
What I've learnt throughout my darkest days was that I cannot please everyone. Even in the battle between good and evil anyway, one cannot please God and the Devil at the same time. For me, I turned selfish as far as I can and I settle for half. Some people strived to please their Gods as much as they can and it's their choice. Some people strived to please their families and friends and it's their choice. Some people strived for themselves alone and it's their choice. I am of the last group.
My passion is social science. Education is part of social science. In my world of MRSM and college/uni friends whom most of them are STEM students, I stand out a bit from being different ( just a bit though).And of choosing this rarely chosen path. Robert Frost , baby. What can I say? I may regret this choice ( I think I would ) but that's life. There are many things I don't like about my life , about myself, about my own previous life choices , but I came to a point where there would be no regrets in the grand scheme of things. I never think of it as what God has decided for me - it's been a while since I have an ambivalent relationship with that dude anyway and I'm not going to pretend that he mattered. If I don't matter to God, or to anyone else in the world, I matter to at least myself.
Is it solipsitic in here, or is it just me?
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
2012 and 2013.
Woah, there were none of those apocalyptic events happening last year in 2012. Shame. Oh well, it's almost August 2000 and THIRTEEN. Damn. In fact, I'm already here in Malaysia. I'm done with my studies in Auckland, New Zealand. Here I am, enjoying the Ramadhan Bazaar and acclimatising with the hot and humid weather yet again.
2012 was the year I decided that I want to settle on my personal beliefs. From being a person in the middle, I went hardcore left-wing liberal. Drugs decriminalisation and legalisation? Hurm, let's start with soft drugs like marijuana first. Euthanasia? Sure. Abortion? Up to the individuals involved. Gay marriage? Hey if people really want to be miserable just like how the straights did it, why not? LGBT equality? It's human right. Religion? Should be relegated to the personal space.Secularism? The way to go. God? Might exist, might not exist.
Most of these are actually what I always believed anyway , it's just something that I don't expressly tell outright with regards to the idea of being in the 'middle'. Now since being the middle's went down the drain...
I survived 2012 and 2013 with relatively good academic results. If only I weren't so lazy during my first year at uni. I had taken up interesting courses like French language, Education and Social Justice, Research Methods in Education and I finally found my interest and what I plan to be my career path. It's an achingly slow and starving career path , but something's about seeing myself with those kinds of experiences, credentials and networking made me felt happy. That I matter.
Of friendships, I burned some bridges, I built some new ones. Of relationships, I still suck at it and frankly, when I visited Ipoh my hometown and met my makciks and pakciks, bombarded with questions of ' Bila nak kahwin , Along? ' and ' Dah jumpa calon?" , I was in fact very comfortable and quick to say , to my conservative makciks' surprises : " I don't like the idea of marriage and I don't want to settle down. Also, I don't like kids. They're expensive". Of reading, i missed reading books by Malay authors but it is very convenient reading using my iPad. Of religion, huh. Of vices, I started smoking January 2012 due to some stress and issues which I would not explain here. Stopped smoking from December 2012 to February 2013 then started smoking again. Since February 2012 up until last June this year, I had to meet my doctor and counsellor at Uni Health Centre every month anyway. Thank you MARA for paying my student fees - Thank you Vero, my uni student insurance that enabled me to go to these appointments.
My friends kept telling me that I need to slow down on my 'liberal thinking' because I am going
to work in MRSM, a conservative environment where sentiments about preserving the rights of the Malays and Muslims are dominant. I'll think about it. Hey I survived a Sekolah Menengah Agama, I hope I still remember how to keep my head low.
Blogspot sounds so 2008, actually. Now it's all Tumblr this Tumblr that - or Vine ? I dunno.Facebook is so 2010. I had made an Instagram account, but my life is so uninteresting , unlike some of my peers out there. Twitter is only used by me to vent in 140? characters or follow the stories about the Hollywood celebrities and world news. I am not pro-Mursi, I reject Islamism and political Islam and I support the protests against Mursi, but at this point, the military has sabotaged the people's revolution.
Ah, this post is such a random, messy Luahan Rasa Untaian Kata. The Untaian may even be berbelit-belit now.
2012 was the year I decided that I want to settle on my personal beliefs. From being a person in the middle, I went hardcore left-wing liberal. Drugs decriminalisation and legalisation? Hurm, let's start with soft drugs like marijuana first. Euthanasia? Sure. Abortion? Up to the individuals involved. Gay marriage? Hey if people really want to be miserable just like how the straights did it, why not? LGBT equality? It's human right. Religion? Should be relegated to the personal space.Secularism? The way to go. God? Might exist, might not exist.
Most of these are actually what I always believed anyway , it's just something that I don't expressly tell outright with regards to the idea of being in the 'middle'. Now since being the middle's went down the drain...
I survived 2012 and 2013 with relatively good academic results. If only I weren't so lazy during my first year at uni. I had taken up interesting courses like French language, Education and Social Justice, Research Methods in Education and I finally found my interest and what I plan to be my career path. It's an achingly slow and starving career path , but something's about seeing myself with those kinds of experiences, credentials and networking made me felt happy. That I matter.
Of friendships, I burned some bridges, I built some new ones. Of relationships, I still suck at it and frankly, when I visited Ipoh my hometown and met my makciks and pakciks, bombarded with questions of ' Bila nak kahwin , Along? ' and ' Dah jumpa calon?" , I was in fact very comfortable and quick to say , to my conservative makciks' surprises : " I don't like the idea of marriage and I don't want to settle down. Also, I don't like kids. They're expensive". Of reading, i missed reading books by Malay authors but it is very convenient reading using my iPad. Of religion, huh. Of vices, I started smoking January 2012 due to some stress and issues which I would not explain here. Stopped smoking from December 2012 to February 2013 then started smoking again. Since February 2012 up until last June this year, I had to meet my doctor and counsellor at Uni Health Centre every month anyway. Thank you MARA for paying my student fees - Thank you Vero, my uni student insurance that enabled me to go to these appointments.
My friends kept telling me that I need to slow down on my 'liberal thinking' because I am going
to work in MRSM, a conservative environment where sentiments about preserving the rights of the Malays and Muslims are dominant. I'll think about it. Hey I survived a Sekolah Menengah Agama, I hope I still remember how to keep my head low.
Blogspot sounds so 2008, actually. Now it's all Tumblr this Tumblr that - or Vine ? I dunno.Facebook is so 2010. I had made an Instagram account, but my life is so uninteresting , unlike some of my peers out there. Twitter is only used by me to vent in 140? characters or follow the stories about the Hollywood celebrities and world news. I am not pro-Mursi, I reject Islamism and political Islam and I support the protests against Mursi, but at this point, the military has sabotaged the people's revolution.
Ah, this post is such a random, messy Luahan Rasa Untaian Kata. The Untaian may even be berbelit-belit now.
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