Of Manga

Two shonen manga that I like most: Bleach & Fairy Tail. Two shoujo manga that I like most : Hanazakari no Kimitachi e ( Hana Kimi) & Hana Yori Dango ( Boys Before Flowers) . Two seinen manga that I like most : XXXholic & Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle. Two josei manga that I like most : Hachimitsu to Clover ( Honey and Clover) and Paradise Kiss.

Two Face.

Oh this post isn't about friends who talk differently about you in front of you and other people. I've past that already it is no more significant in my life.
This is about me ranting about my obnoxious life. Obviously.

To those who don't know me already, I am just a perfectly normal middle class teenager.

My life screams "boring" and "duhh" all over.

Here,  I am also sad to say that my lifestyles are paradoxical to each other, most of the time.

Here you have a Wan Khai who is completely traditional in manners of theological speculations, but highly unorthodox in relations to epistemological thought.
A Wan Khai who happens to believe that  in Malaysian context, Allah shouldn't be used by non-Muslims in their religious scriptures, but at the same time is also being faithful to Voltaire, fully believing in freedom of expression.

The extreme cases would be watching Lady Gaga performs through YouTube and spending hours after hours watching Glee, while a break between these two activities is filled by reading Islam : Religion, History and Civilization  , a book by a renowned Shia Muslim scholar, Seyyed Hossein Nasr . Blasphemous, isn't it?

Talk about being corrupted spiritually, huhu. 

I truly have no idea why such dichotomy exists within me. The cynical, fundamentalist me versus hedonistic, egocentric me. 

Oh wait, aren't those both ontologically bad in manner? Haha.

To be individualistic.

People say:

Get a life.
Dude, get a sense of humor!
That is so gay .
That is a blasphemy!
You're sick, dude!

The problem with the society is that society thinks that they know everything about you. Yes, they might know more about life,but not you. Oh, and yes, they always say that they know what is right. And here, when I say society, I refer to EVERYTHING that screams " I'm the voice of the society", be it religion, social circle, political system et cetera.

Too much of a good thing is a bad thing, I guess.

Please disagree with me nonetheless.

Green fingers.

So...
Mari kita bercucuk tanam.

Of Glee

I simply love it.
Very much. Huhu.

Though I do realised that gayness level in Glee is very much disproportionate to reality hahaha.
The director is gay.
Two male actors are gay ( as far as coming out gays are counted)
Significantly, the music numbers revolves around songs that are heavily embedded and popular in the gay community.
Lady Gaga, Madonna, Hepburn, Mama Cass are all very central to the gay culture. Madonna, the idol of the gay community for example, has an episode dedicated to her songs alone. How cool is that? Huhu.

I am not surprised with the trend, considering that Hollywood was indeed managed by many homosexuals , down from the aspiring actors, the writers, make up artists , to well established celebrities and to legends like Elton John and Ellen Degeneres.
I found this very much true then. A line in Glee, " I'm gay, and she's a black. Together we create Western (entertainment) culture".

I love Glee regardless, for the songs and for the story.
After all, if homophobes want to boycott homosexuality in Hollywood, they will miss a lot of series then. e.g Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, Glee, Sex and the City, Futurama ( lol).

Just remember.

You can't always get what you want.
But you'll get what you need.

Vista OS

Buat kesekian kalinya, blank screen of death terjadi to my laptop. Backup mmg ada,dlm external,tp masalahnya saya di NZ dan external di Tanah Melayu itu adoi~ xleh byg la berapa kena byr hahaha..adakah Tuhan bagi petunjuk suruh stdy jgn melalut melagha? Entahlah. Tp rasa bersalah sangat meminjam laptop orang nak buat assignment.-wk

Music

Glee.
-noun
open delight and pleasure; exultant joy; exultation.

I simply love it. Very much.

Of Palestine.

Nakba. Tragedi melanda umat Palestin 62 tahun dahulu.

Apa yang umat Islam mahu buat, saya tidak mahu peduli.
Kita sudah lelah dan lesu dengan jawapan dan penyelesaian retorik.

Palestin- semua orang ada respon berbeza.
Misalnya, ayah saya.
With all due respect to my father's opinion, saya tidak bersetuju dengan pandangan beliau berkenaan Palestin. Tetapi tidaklah pula saya menolak hak ayah sahaja untuk melontarkan pandangan beliau. Rujuk Voltaire, saudara, Voltaire.
Ayah saya tidak nampak signifikan kerja keras pihak Aman Palestin misalnya dalam membantu kesusahan umat Islam Palestin.
Hujah beliau, kat Malaysia banyak lagi orang susah, kenapa tidak ada NGO yang betul-betul gigih dalam membantu nasib umat Islam di Malaysia ini? Ini tidak, asyik komplen karenah birokrasi Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat sahaja , takpun mempolitikkan nasib orang Melayu. Harap pada kerajaan sahaja. NGO2 sibuk dengan Timur Tengah buat apa?

Itu pandangan ayah saya. Saya berbeza.

Palestin bukannya isu nasional lagi. Ia sudah berbangkit jadi isu agama. Dan sebagai umat Islam, takkan tidak mahu mempedulikan agama sendiri? Apatah lagi nampak sejelas-jelasnya penindasan berlaku . Apa tidak mahu dibantu mustad'afin ( orang yang dizalimi)?

Namun begitu, anda tahu saya, saya bukankah orang yang krtikal tidak tentu hala kan? Kita perlu sentiasa mencabar pandangan sendiri.

Orang menekankan bahawa cara kita melihat Palestin hanyalah boleh menerusi kacamata Hamas, atau sekali-sekala Fatah. Mereka mewakili pandangan umat Islam Palestin.
Tetapi saya  lihat saja pandangan umat-umat manusia lain. Sejak bila saya ikut cakap orang kan?

Konsep two-state solution misalnya, diharam terus oleh ulama kerana Palestin tanah wakaf umat Islam. Saya rasa relevan je two-state solution tu, tapi itu pandangan saya. Silalah berbeza pandangan.

Saya juga misalnya tidak melihat relevannya kita perlu merampas kembali Andalusia. Apa yang kita mahu daripada Andalusia? Bangunan-bangunan lama? Kesan tinggalan sejarah? Just accept the fact that the land used to be ours, and now theirs. All this attachment to some land yang buatkan kita tersekat dengan sejarah, sama seperti orang Yahudi yang dihalau keluar daripada tanah Israel suatu masa dahulu. Kesannya, semua ritual , liturgi agama tersebut menampakkan rindunya pada tanah Israel.

Actually I kind of support the idea of

1) Mekah dikawal OIC, bukannya Arab Saudi. Mengarut sangat kerajaan Arab Saudi sekarang. Mekah jadi pusat kapitalis. Mengaut keuntungan daripada ibadah. Nak bina menara tertinggi kat dunia apa halnya? Dan apa yang cuba disarankan ini apabila pusat beli belah mega dibina merata-rata di Mekah? Siap dengan jenama-jenama antarabangsa lagi- Prada, Marc Jacobs segala? Elokla tu.

We used to have Tokyo, Milan, New York , Paris as pusat fesyen dunia. Nak sangat, jadikanlah Mekah pusat haji itu pusat fesyen dunia juga. Festival Fesyen Mekah.

Mekah milik semua Muslim. Tetapi apabila jadi bahan mengaut keuntungan, rasa dah tak macam milik semua dah. Kalau Mekah yang secara asalnya milik semua umat Islam pun dah jadi macam tu, apa yang kita harap berkenaan isu Palestin?

2) Israel-Palestin dikawal United Nations.

I'd want to say that this land should be  totally free from any ideologies. All this claims actually tak kemana pun. Orang Yahudi memang ada sejarah panjang dengan tanah ini. Orang Kristian , disinilah Jesus dilahirkan dan dibesarkan, dan mengikut mereka, disalib. Orang Islam, well, isra' mikraj..

I don't know whether this belief of mine will deteriorate my aqidah anyway, but I just want to give my piece of opinion.

Saya sendiri rasa this idea juga ada banyak masalah, bagaimanapun. OIC mentadbir Mekah semacam suatu perkara yang pelik- kerana memang jelas pun Mekah ialah tanah kerajaan Saudi.  OIC juga ialah satu persatuan yang sangat fragile dan nampak sangat akhirnya, negara Islam yang kaya akan lebih banyak kuasa lobi berbanding negara Islam yang miskin. Eksploitasi tetap boleh berlaku. Tetapi kita punya sahaja Vatican yang berada di bawah Rome, misalnya. Tetapi ditadbir the Holy See.

Berkenaan Palestin  dan two-state solution pula, masalah timbul bukan sahaja mengenai keengganan Israel untuk memulangkan tanah yang dirampas akibat kekalahan tentera Arab , tetapi kerana wujudnya fatwa yang mengharamkan tanah wakaf menjadi milik bukan Islam. Kalaupun nak isytihar Israel-Palestin dibawah United Nations misalnya, lobi zionis dalam UN pun sudah kuat. Macam tidak realistik pun.

Tengok, saya mengkritik pandangan diri sendiri.

Sudahnya kemana?

p/s: May 20. Draw Muhammad Day. Apakah?

Love

I love kuaci. You know, those sunflower seeds ( and including other variation such as pumpkin and watermelon seeds). The famous ChaCheer brand, for example. It has been three months without having any kuaci at all , and I am extremely desperate.

Well, quoting Lady Bracknell ,  " a man should always have an occupation of some kind. There are far too many idle men in London as it is". Well, since I don't smoke anyway, I mostly fill my idle life by eating kuaci non stop while watching movies or anything. It's depressing you know, when you watch movies, cartoons from your laptop , you aren't doing nothing in particular except your eyes focusing on the screen. Urghhhhhhh I couldn't stand this!

This probably the effect of my intimate relationship with kuaci for so long. I've been eating kuaci almost everyday since I was in Standard Three. My food stock when I was studying in boarding schools; half of them are just the various types of kuaci!

Depressing. Depressing. Depressing.

I tried eating apple to substitute kuaci but damn, eating healthy food is more depressing, especially when you are watching South Park. It doesn't fit the situation at all! After all, nothing could beat those feelings of intoxication of eating kuaci: when you find yourself unable to stop cracking the shell of the kuaci, one after another. An ocean of sweet emotions.

Indeed! I'm not joking. Ask Juju, my ex-roommate.He would understand my extreme fascination for kuaci.

I'm a freak. I know.

Of Realising ...Things?

I always made known the reasons on why I want to go to University of Auckland.
Besides the high international ranking of its Faculty of Arts and Faculty of Education, I want to go to UoA because I want to participate in Islamic society.
Even I mentioned it in KMS to my teacher- to the displeasure of the teacher.

" Apa guna pergi overseas?"

True, yet, I think there are many other reasons of studying overseas.
Although expanding social circle is one of it - however,  it was never one of my intentions .
The teacher told me that I should widen my social circle so that I could expand my horizons.
I told the teacher, "my horizons are different ".
Yet, I applaud those who expand their social circle, mingling around with people, knowing them, while at the same time, stay truthful to their self identities. I too am worried that sometimes I might be a fitnah to my religion. As if my religion forbade us believers from being friendly to those different from us. That is why I am  kind of regretting my seclusive nature.

Well, what can I do, I have this compulsiveness that I feel like I am running out of time. There are less time to  experience and to experiment. I must edit the options to maybe only two and three choices.

At 21, I am rather more willing to expand my Islamic horizons. I came from a family that don't really fit into the "stereotypical" Baitul Muslim idea of a family, and it is very hard to change when you are nurtured in a certain way from when you're born. I want to change before it's too late for me to change; when change is getting harder and you almost think that it is an impossibility.  Being away from home will allow me to re-evaluate my family and my own way of life ( the latter is more important) , and muhasabah. Hopefully.

In the early age of 14-15, I already had a serious disbelief in God and religions in particular, and truthful enough, up until now, in some sense, I am still particularly a sceptic in many things I've been told in life. I can never easily subscribe to any ideas easily. I'm there, but not there.

Nowhere.

And I need to find my landing location, soon. At the age of 21, you might think you're young, but when you had a serious issues with God and with your own self, when you are dying of exhaustion of searching for truth and what you usually get are usually informations-mere data, you think that the Hour of Destiny is approaching soon and you still haven't got the answers to your questions. Total despair.

And I don't think I have the time to being too much engrossed in enjoying life to the full extent. Not with so many things uncertain and unanswered in life.

I am a freak. Really.

Assignments

I tried to relax.
" There are still more time", I always reassure myself.

Hell I could never be more wrong.

EDUC 115 Children and Adolescent Development : test . 3 chapters covered. next week. all these freudian, eriksonian, evolutionary development of human. haish.

EDUC 116: essay due monday/ tuesday. ethnicity, social class, gender and its effect to the education system in Malaysia- a schooling experience.

Linguist 103- so many things learnt. so many to cover. so tired.

ENGWRIT 101: AROPA. Sigh.Essay- political studies topic. War in Afghanistan. Double sigh.

Okay okay, sudah sudah. Enough sighing. You know you can do it kan. You sure do, Wankhai.

Selamat, selamat.

Fate, Death, Coincidence.

" There is no such thing as coincidence, it is all inevitability"- Yuuko, XXXholic. ( anime)

 I was watching Shrek 3 on my laptop.

I didn't actually finished watching it.

I came to a part where the froggy King Harold was dead, and his body was laid to rest. It was quite sad, the music and all. I stopped the movie, and laid there, in front of my laptop, speechless.

Death. It seems so far. Yet, it is never like that. Death is always there, lurking around, everytime, everywhere.

And it reminds me of yesterday, where me, Ain, and Dibah talked , under that tree, in yesterday's cold, windy autumn weather. What Ain said echoes in my head,

" Kalau ikutkan, aku pun nak cepat-cepat masa berlalu ini,  dah tak nak belajar, nak habis belajar dah, nak kahwin, nak ada anak, nak ada famili. Tapi, kalau fikir balik, masa itu, aku dah tua. dah nak dekat mati.."

Yesterday. A sign. I didn't notice it.

The Shrek 3. A sign. I didn't notice it. Yet.

After Isha' just now, sitting there on the prayer mat,  I suddenly remember Malaysia. Not the families, not the relatives, but all memories of my childhood, teenage life there..relatives, my friends, my schools, all people that i've known.

and death comes to my mind shortly afterwards.

Funny, i suddenly feel sad that 4 years I'll be here, perhaps that tauke cina kedai basikal whom I used to repair my bicycle when I was a child is dead. i would be sad if my nenek saudara and makcik-makcik, meninggal when I am here in NZ, and I can't do anything but just offering some prayers. I couldn't handle the thought of my friends whom I used to hang out with, passed away, when what memories that they left behind are an earnest smile and a warm meeting, " Jumpa lagi bila kamu balik Malaysia".

Remembering death after Isha' prayer tonight- a sign. I just am not aware of it.

All these thoughts I had are weird today- considering I used to be cheerful and ignorant on this kind of matter.

10 minutes ago, I know why. Why all these signs.

3 signs. And I saw the fourth sign on Facebook.

A friend of mine has passed away today in Malaysia. A friend I do know quite well, but we didn't contact each other for quite some time. And he's gone now. He has returned  to where he belongs. To Lord the Creator.

I think God sent me signs after signs today, yesterday. Maybe I got too absorbed in my life that I no longer remember that death is my most intimate friend afterall.

And so, thank you, God. Thank you for this reminder.

God bless you, my friend. Tuhan takdirkan kita tidak lagi boleh ketemu lagi. Selesailah kamu di alam sini, kami di sini akan menyusul- ianya pasti.