Meluahkan Apa Yang Terbuku Di Hati

It's not like I don't like people, I just never trust people so much.
Every errants, works etc that required cooperation and such, I found myself  doing most of the jobs.
My ego says that I cannot be a lazybump, and I shouldn't trust "these people".
I don't care if I am a "semangat" person, a "poyo" person whatsoever.
It doesn't affect me negatively even if I am, so what I should bother?

I hate being a leader, but I love doing works. I don't have charisma, but I know I have diligence, endurance and interest.
When my girls and boys classmates in MRSM Taiping don't talk to each other for a semester, me, who were just arrived there in Semester Two, took the initiative to be the messenger for boys and girls. God, it feels like I'm being bullied by my own classmates. But, I endure it. Pretty much it's my selfishness. I can't study in an environment where boys and girls don 't talk for any specific reasons after all. Soon, things get better.

In KMS, I was known to be outspoken and talkative and know-it-all. Yes, I realize that. And I don't regret it. The process of knowledge is pretty much sharing what we know and knowing it from the others. When I said something,  I usually think of it as true. But I never care whether people care about the truthfulness of the info or not. It is not my job for those who listen to justify what I told them. It is up to them to ascertain it themselves. I can accept the fact that sometimes, what I learnt aren't true. No big deal. But I will never feel remorseful for telling others about my "ajaran sesat" whatsoever. Truth are conditional.

I never like people impose emotions or authority on me. I tried very hard to not impose my emotions to people around me, though at times the hell let loose. I don't like teachers expecting students to be respectful on them just because they are "teachers", I respect teachers for what they teach, not who they are.  I don't like classmates expecting me to help them simply because they are "friends", pretty much I believe it's mutual need for each other. I don't like people judging me without actually knowing me, and I never for one second, care about them anyway.

Oh yes, I love joking. Only through jokes that people won't really see as some weird, mysterious and creepy fella, though sometimes I can't hide those. And I prefer to focus in classrooms, I never understand on why some people prefer talking about topics outside of the syllabus . Sure, tak kisah sangat pun. But when you know you're dumb in something , like me for example, I prefer to at least respect the hard work I give. I LOATHE Mathematics, but I dare say that I give my utmost attention in the subject, I did my homework diligently, though I cursed those torturing days. I like Literature in English, and I never feel remorseful when sometimes I got a "U" in " D" or "E" in essays. In every essay I wrote, I give what I know, what I feel, what I see, and if it's wrong, so be it. For Sociology, I never menyesal for that sleepless nights doing sociology essays. And I never menyesal skipping classes. Sometimes, be in class routinely is wrong. Lol.

Oh I am a BAD, bad teacher-in-waiting.

But yes. Sometimes I just need to be alone during the day, studying alone. I focus much in classrooms, so when I don't want to focus that day, I simply skip the class. If not, the headache started, the classmates noise become so annoying etc. Haha. And I need my day when I want to be serious and not doing jokes that irritate people now and then. I have sinned too much already.

And for you, thank you for telling me that I am "shallow", oh yes. I'm so shallow. Shallow giler.