Criticism.

I'm disappointed with Malaysia.

Many times I tell myself, things get better. It gets better. Then we see unethical government practices, then we see chaotic opposition parties. Then we have misuse of Islam as a way to garner strong Malay votes. Then we have Deepavali advertisement deeply offensive to the Hindus.Then, I almost wept when I heard the news that the government move away from investigating teaching malpractice of canning students for bringing non-halal food to a school to just focus on the religious status of the student's dad. As I mentioned in Facebook, " the respective teacher must be laughing to orgasm now". 

You see, ALL people said that you can't judge Islam by its Muslims. True. If that were the case, so fine. I won't look at anyone, any Muslims. Instead, I'll just create my own understanding of Islam. Is that so? Wrong. Ridiculous understanding there.  Still, Islamic practices are deeply rooted in the practices of the people- the right people, that is. But unfortunately, if JAKIM is not the right people, who is? Al-Qaeda? Taliban?

Deep inside, I have an internal struggle of my identities as a Muslim, and yet at the same, a humanist, a liberal, and a long time ago, an agnostic.

I believe in freedom of sinning. I believe in Tariq Ramadan's opinion that a Muslim can peacefully convert to any religion he/she wants to with the condition that afterwards he/she doesn't ridicule Islam or propagate their faith to others.

On the other side, I am disturbed by the rising offensive remarks towards God done by any liberals. I don't mind actually arguments regarding the existence of God, but I don't see any reasons to make harsh, demeaning  remarks about other people's God, or their own God- precisely because they are just making a fool out of themselves. Why some people are clearly angry to something so surreal, which to them it may actually never exist in the first place?

Every single social action is political. Silence is one of available social actions. So silence is political. Doing nothing therefore is still a political action.

Yet, should I just be silent? I don't believe in Islamic state or community ideals, nor do I admire the Western societies.

But, this world is not about me. I am a single entity who makes no difference if I were to live or not in this world. Therefore, I don't really mind if in the end, people collectively choose any ideals that they want : democracy, Islamic theocracy, anarchist, every single ideals of a community.

I can just grumble. But, at least, I grumble to something real - people, community, principles. I grumble on my own incompetence, my own helplessness. I grumble for my ridiculous, too idealistic principles.

I don't feel like criticising God, whatever God that is, because in the end, God is just the motivational aspects of it. 

Most of the time, I'm criticising myself.