Self-centredness

I do things ,my ways.

It's kind of complicated, you see.  I wouldn't say I am nerdy and uptight , sometimes I did, but I am rather merely, tiny-winy bureaucratic in nature at some matters. It's very unhealthy , of course. Who wants to be living in a world of red tapes, full of rules and regulations?

But when things didn't go my way, people hardly find me accommodating; for example,  I fought ( ah, just being rude, basically, not some fist fight) with then vice-principal of my school who thinks that since he is a bloody teacher he can practically do anything. I didn't really spare a thought or mind to whom I'm speaking with when discussing a lot of things, even when the comments were close to blasphemy. I broke school rules quite a many times, but they weren't anything dramatic such as slapping a teacher or burning the school - though I had in those years instances when I think my hand was burning hot and some teachers' skin ( especially their faces) looked like a punching bag.

But I think it's normal. I have the idea that some teachers ( and friends, probably) might have the same feelings towards my skin as well. Okay, that's a problem- because I would be a future teacher, and there is such a thing called karma! *gasp*

But there you see, I hardly know myself. At first even I thought myself as "skema"- in fact, I was a pretty nice kid back then in the primary school- minus all those moments of bullying and been made fun of, I managed to stay out of trouble quite remarkably.

Secondary school is when everything changes. I'd say those were the times I discover various potentials of myself. Then I also realise that my opinions don't actually matter- it's just for the sake of conversation that they are agreeing or disagreeing with what I said. I'd say, tough. Me too, I finally realised. I don't actually care ( I care, sometimes, but let's just leave it at that) what people are suggesting because in the end, I always believe in myself first. And so do theirs.

People have motives. So am I. Still,  the art of convincing people should be left for politicians or rhetoricians alone because apparently, human society is never as pessimistic as it was ever before. I blame post-modernism for that. Haha. 

Nevertheless, nevertheless, sure, I know that the world doesn't revolve around me. That I always know. I know how insignificant I am to the world, to the society, to the people I know . But my life is all I got, and so I will decide how I will lead my life. Most of the times I simply follow the rules and the norms, but at times, please don't feel offended if I don't do things how people expect me to be - I just didn't.

Maybe at times I am enforcing my opinion upon others , and so you can speak all you want, because at that time, I am sure that I forgot  and need some reminding of the Golden Rule : why should  I care about others?