There Was This Guy.

Once upon a time, there was this guy.
He didn't believe in Allah, his religion God.
He was young.He was inquisitive.He believes that his world doesn't just revolve around Power Rangers every Saturday evening and Digimon on Sundays 10 am and Pokemon on weekends at 7 am or Dragon Ball at 9 am. He loved all that, but he knew that it was not enough.
He believed that  his world is not about himself, only. But he didn't know what his life was all about.
He has great friends. Sure he did.
Maybe because he was funny and generous and easily persuaded, so he think.
He excelled  at academics , at that time, but he sucks, terribly sucks at sports.
He still remembered , all of his early years, he rarely went out of the house to play with friends. He sucked in sports or even playgames, so he didn't want to play, because when he played for a team, he will just be scolded and jeered at with disgust.
" You suck!"
So every evening, if he didn't watch TV, he will stand at the verandah of the quarters, and looking at his friends playing happily. Later, tired on standing idle,  he went to his room and jump to the bed,daydreaming,
" what are my friends doing now, ayte?"
but since it has become a routine, he stopped doing it because that would made him sad.

One time, he bought a 50 cents notebook and began scribbling on it.
Pages after pages, books after books.
He would write about everything , the book is like a confessor in a Christian church.
Inside, he will fill the blank pages on what mistakes he commit today. Or what he did to his friends- good or bad.

Inside the book, he would also mention on what was he feeling that day.
But most pages, of many, many books...are filled with complaints...complaints to God...or whatever it is.
He's young, but at that stage, he already didn't believe in God. 
It's just the thought of a "God" would make a reason for him to complaint.

So, he questioned "Allah" many things.
For six years in a row, he scored the first place in his Fardhu Ain religious school, but he never actually believe in Allah.
Every now and then, he would complaint to God of his loneliness, his failures - all written in the books.
But at one stage, he stopped complaining.
God didn't answer his complaints- so there is no such thing as God or Allah or whatever. It seemed like God didn't hold any particular interest in him. Expected, though, since why would He became interested in those who did not believe in him?
So since his answers are unanswered, he'll find "God" himself.
Whatever He or She is.

He secretly applied for a secondary religious school unbeknowest to his parents, and when he was offered a place at a Goverment SBP science-stream school, he rejected it. He wanted to go to a religious school. He wants to know "God"- and as he couldn't rely on his parents or anybody- it's up to him to change all that.

He was adamant. His parents, relatives persuade him to go to the SBP. He insisted on the religious school. It's now or never. He needed to know this " Allah". At 13, he quarrelled with his parents. And he will never regret that, for he wouldn't know what'll happen to him if he cracked under pressure at that time.

But.....Irony. Life is irony of the highest order.

Yes, he learned about whatever it is in that 'religion' he was taught. But as the Fate is cruel to him, he discovered a more mysterious and alluring existence: SINS.Oh my, what memories. What sins. So many and yet so seemingly trivial. He remembered all those lonely and confusion he faced. If "God" didn't come to help him, maybe the "Devil" will help?

And the darkness slowly ate his heart up. His friends noticed that. Two, to be exact. Those two 'angels' of the guy.If God existed, He should make them guardian angels already. When at one point the guy didn't even feel guilty at all commiting sins,not even a bit, these two angels are always there for him.

But strangely, they spoke nothing. They simply be there. Whenever the guys spoke rubbish of God or whatever- unfit for a religious student - they'll just smile, and listen. And he keep throwing them rubbish thoughts. But they keep being with him.Such fools.This guy however, still doesn't believe in Allah. The difference between him and the old him was he changed his opinion into  " if there is such a thing called God, it must be a lousy God."

He saw little point in dwelving in one particular ideas only. He started immersing himself in the variety of ideas. And he still commit sins unrepentantly. He cares less. He didn't feel guilty at all. He dicovered Godhead, trimurti, philosophy, universalims, humanism- and oh my, that triggered his interest buds. Such variety, so much gain, and so little lost, as since he doesn't believe in anything, he had nothing to lose.

But he is touched by one of his angels' speech:

" Wan, some people reach their final destination in a straightforward manner. But some faces doubt, confusion, loneliness to reach the same terminal. I just pray that my God gives you enough time for you."

And what a diference the speech has made. Uncertain he was in response, but still, he dared to play gambling of time with God.

" Now, it's either you or I lose, God".

And he walked on the path of the damned- the Instrument of Evil. Sometimes he felt lonely, he felt tired- he felt that it is enough- but then, he'll just remember his damned soul and thinking on how much sacrifices he had already made- and he'll keep on going.

And the Holy Clock is ticking, fast.