The Moment of Truth

I hesitate, obviously. She asked for my blog's link. If she discover my blog here, obviously she will know my feelings for her. And I want to avoid any controversies and confusion as much as I can. However, after a discussion with Razini, I think that this has to stop. I don't want to run away anymore.

She is my friend, however how much I fell for her. She deserves to know. Though I also know, I risk our friendship. But, I believe that our friendship is true, and she IS my friend. I do not be her friend so that I can be near to her whatsoever. She is my friend mcm mana pun. So, I give my link to her. And then go play boling with Iz, Yus dan Hafez.

She messaged me later. She is not angry, but surprised. And I know how she thinks about this. Even me myself have problem to convince to her that all that I want her to know is that I like her, but we both know our limits in islam. I don't want to know her response, I don't want to change our friendship to any degree, and I don't want to make her stressed, confused or worried. It's only that she deserves to know that. It's been 3 years anyway. If she knows it from another source, she might think that our friendship is a lie. All my advise to her regarding priorities in life are just excuses. It's not that.

Even I myself hold to the opinion that any relationship between man and woman are haram be4 nikah, except in education process. And I believe I hold on to my belief here. She also knows before that I also had advised her to not think of any other than our priorities to Allah and to our parents, as what I am also always trying to think.

She expressed her worry that this might disturb our communication, and it can cause ikhtilat tidak syarii dsb. Well, up to her. I do not change, wankhai is still that carefree, loves to joke wankhai, however what happens. And she is still my friend, no matter what happens. Deep inside, she is that committed girl who walaupun sounds garang, tapi lawak orangnya.

I've come a long way for this moment, to be truly honest to my friend,no hiding anything now, because there's no turning back nor way to keep it hidden anymore. Time. Masa. Mengubah sungguh. Dan Allah lebih mengetahui.