Courageous?

The most blasphemous thought I've ever had, once:

I don't want to believe in a God.

Yet,

I NEED to believe in one.

Sad, sad,and corrupted mind, isn't it?

I personally believe that atheists are the most courageous people in the world.
They, knowing the fragility of themselves humans and all things related to our civilization,
dares to defy any existence or any concrete or supreme existence that govern us all.
To believe in something,what you believe must be truth in your perspective, concrete in nature and sustainable to any negative thought
that may later doubt what you believe in.
I can never understand the atheists that just believe in science.
They know that science is changing, it is a revolutionzing discipline after all.
What holds as truth can never be as flexible as that?
Like, can you imagine, today, my God is Allah, tomorrow, Buddha, the next day, Elohim??

That's why I said that atheists are the most courageous people.