Mediocre.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices, but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence and fulfills the duty to express the results of his thought in clear form. Albert Einstein.

In this matter, I am the mediocre one. I admit it.

What is mediocre anyway?

Mediocre, according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is something of moderate or low quality, value, ability and performance, in other words, so-so or ordinary.

I honestly am not really sure of myself. I don't know what will I be, how I would live, what I stand for or my absolute aim in life. I don't know what my strongest forte, for example. My Bahasa Melayu is ordinary, I am supposedly a TESL student but my English is just perfectly mediocre. I can read literature works, without feeling bored or anything, and perhaps can give a comment or two, but to give a critical appreciation, I can't! I like sociology, or it is a new thing to me, but I can't see myself venturing to the world of sociology, yet. I hate math, and my performance in it are like waves, sometimes I perform quite well, but sometimes I perform terrible bad.

Like a classmate of mine, she is very good in literature. It is as if she was destined for TESL. Language is really her forte. Me, I write SPM-level English. Huhu. And not good at any other subjects, either.

I am not even sure what I would be. I once think of journalism once I finish 5 years contract with MARA. I even consider doing academic research in universities perhaps-but what is it? Is it English? What will I study? Some say that TESL has a very broad career range, but I wonder, will it correspond to me and my life?

I must at least know what I'm doing. I read Malay lit, English lit, various sociology books, theologians books, history, but what REALLY interest me? I can't make up my mind. Obviously we can try to master everything, but that is the cause of mediocrity.

Some will say that Albert Einstein can do it. Though he is an excellent physicist, he plays violin well. I can also say, Imam Shafie is also like that. Though he is a great scholar in matters of jurisprudence, he is also a great linguist. But I know, he is not known for his language or his excellent archery technics. He is still known for his mastery in fiqah.

Perhaps I am too young to think about it. Perhaps. I wonder. 20 years. Erm, maybe I was thinking too hard.