For There Is A Journey.

Selamat Tahun Baru 2009. Selamat menambah koleksi buku-buku yang dibaca, selamat menambah ilmu, dan selamat menambah amalan kebajikan.

Dan kepada orang-orang tertentu, selamat ketemu jodoh.

Allah yubarik alaikum wa alaina.

Palestin

Darah membasahi Bumi Suci ini lagi. Di ambang tahun baru pula itu. Kali ini, tiga ratus orang adik bongsu terbunuh. Tga ratus orang yang tidak bersalah, yang sarapan mereka kadang kala tidak ada, yang mungkin sahaja berlapar sepanjang hari, telah kembali kepada Penciptanya. Tiga ratus orang terbunuh yang mana pembunuh-pembunuhnya ini makannya 5 kali sehari di kem-kem pertahanan. Pembunuh-pembunuhnya pula si abang sulung mereka sendiri. Bukan sesiapa.

Si abang kedua yang jauh dari Bumi Suci , di New World itu sentiasa saja menyebelahi si abang sulung. Sedangkan abang sulunglah yang membuli si adik bongsu. Si abang kedua sengaja berbuat demikian- kerana adik bongsu kini nampak lemah, jadi lebih baik dia menyebelahi abang sulung yang kaya dan berpengaruh.

Si abang sulung percaya Tuhan itu satu.
Si abang kedua percaya Tuhan itu juga satu.
Si adik bongsu juga sama, Tuhan itu satu .
Mereka percaya Tuhan yang satu.

Si abang sulung memanggil Tuhan ini Yahweh, Elohim, atau Adonai ( our Lord)
Si abang kedua memanggil Tuhan ini God, Lord, Jesus, Deus, the Father.
Si adik bongsu memanggil Tuhan ini Allah.

Si adik bongsu menderita dan meraung meraung pada jiran-jiran, tetapi siapa mahu menolong? Dunia ini sudah terlalu gelap. Beribu-ribu sebelumnya telah terkorban, dan jumlahnya kian bertambah.

Penulis blog disini menguntai sekalung doa:

Ya Allah, engkau berikanlah kami kefahaman akan perkara yang berlaku. Ya Allah, engkau berikanlah kami petunjuk, dan berikanlah kami kekuatan. Ya Rahman, engkau juga Maha Adil, maka engkau sinarilah kami dengan Cahaya Keadilan mu.

Wahai abang-abangku Kristians dan Yahudi, engkau telah menzalimi kami dengan nama Tuhan kita! Dengan penuh harmoni kami menghormati fahaman kalian, tetapi kalian telah mencemari Tanah Suci ini dengan darah-darah kami! Di mana kehormatan kamu pada Tuhan kamu ? Di mana janji kamu pada "Thou shalt not kill", dan "Love your enemies?", arahan Tuhan pada kamu ? Di mana kalian meletakkan manifestasi cinta Jesus kalian yang cuba menyelamatkan manusia? Jesus Christ kalian aku yakin tidak merestui kalian dengan perbutan terkutuk yang kamu lakukan pada kami! Mana kehormatan kalian buat Yahweh kalian yang menciptakan manusia dengan Kasih Sayang ?

Wahai Tuhan yang padaku Allah, yang denganmu 99 nama-Mu yang suci dalam Quran, engkau saksikanlah!

Wahai penumpah darah! Tuhan yang padanya nama-nama sejak azali, Elohim , Yahweh, Adonai , Allah pasti memurkai kalian! Tuhanku , iaitu Tuhan buat Kita semua pasti akan mengadili kalian. Wahai Tuhan yang ada sejak azali dengan pelbagai bahasa tetapi tetap satu, Engkau saksikanlah!

Kerana sesungguhnya kami bersaksi bahawa Tuhanku ialah Allah, dan Utusan kami ialah Muhammad . Kerana kami bersaksi bahawa Kami pengikut Ibrahim yang Hanif. Kerana kami bersaksi dengan Al-Quran petunjuk kami, Kitab Terakhir buat Manusia.

Dan kalian merupakan golongan yang melampaui batas. Maka Tuhan yang Maha Melihat, saksikanlah!

Ya Tuhan, engkaulah yang menghilangkan khilafah kami, dan engkau jugalah yang berkuasa memulangkannya semahumu, maka berikanlah yang terbaik buat kami ya Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Kamu bekerja dalam kerahsiaan dan kami ini hambaMu yang terlindung dalam keterbatasan.

Selawat dan Salam buat Junjungan Rasulullah dan Kesejahteraan buat Ahlul Bait Baginda Bahtera Nuh Ummat.
Segala puji bagi Allah Tuhan semesta alam.
Amiin.

Solitude

Some people would complaint that their life is miserable. They are poor, they are academically stupid, they are ill-informed with worldwide issues, they have none or just pathetic friends, and some will say, their life is miserable because they are lonely.

Some, perhaps either faced quite different obstacles in life, would complaint of their meaning of life. They perhaps are relatively rich, have great friends, socially stable and practicing their faith religiously. So, why are they asking their meaning of life? Isn't it obvious?

For those with religions, their scholarly scholars would always say, your life is your obedience to the religion. The Christians are supposedly treat life as a time in which they would live the God wholeheartedly , and understand and acknowledge Jesus Christ as the true savior of humanity, and their meaning of life is all for this realisation. Buddhism teaches human to acknowledge the existence of soul that longs for inner peace and absolute pure actions, highlighting the need for spirituality . Hinduism promotes good way of life- to which by practicing yoga and live a morally good life would ensure that they won't be reincarnated in their next life- total emergence with the higher being itself. Islam advocates total surrender to God, acknowledge His power, His Oneness and His reign over His creation, to which the life of human are just to serve Him.

So, isn't the answer obvious? Why people are still searching for answers whereas religion has already existed for thousands of years to answer that. Isn't it ironic?

It is because some would find the answers generic.

History has shown human their own evolutionary spiritual path. From the time when polytheism reigns, the gods roam the earth, to the period when God or Yahweh or Lord is feared for His creeping and devastating capability like stated in Torah ( Pentateuch), to the time when the Great Mother with many names such as Cybele become a universal cult of devotion, transcending civilization and races,a feminine attribute to God, to the time of Jesus / Isa spread the happy news and for Christians save humanity by sacrificing himself, thus establishing back the masculine God, and continued by Islam, which stresses total surrender and again the masculine God reigns back.

Without a doubt, it is all about the same, one, God. For God speaks with many language, and has many names, as God cult transcends the religions itself. We are all aiming to serve the God, only our ways are different. So why some Christians and Muslims still have uncertainty then? Isn't these two religions say that their respective religion the true religion, and others not? Shouldn't people feel secured and safe? Why then?

The religions are the culprit. And faith are the victim. The very essence of God deteriorates in the names of religion. The witches of the ancient found absolute peace by their observation of nature. The nature is their cult-for Great Mother manifests herself in nature, for the Virgin or Immaculate Conception shows his absolute Beauty in nature and even the masculine God of monotheism can be seen in nature. For nature answers love and nature also answers logic and intellectuality.

Some feel lonely in the presence of others, yet some feel happy and serene in solitude. Why is that?

Because their faith screams for meanings . Faith , not religions and its practices. People are different. Some find enlightenment, peace, love, contentment, serenity, pleasure both spiritual or intellectual, euphoria, or whatever the words are through groups , yet some can't. They can only find it in solitude. The Christian Mass, or the Pilgrimage to Holy See or Santiago Road , or the Islam's Hajj, or the Immersion in Jordan river or Ganges river, all cater human longings for soul fulfillment. Yet without these practice, some of them can also find enlightenment. They see God's grace in the calligraphy, some see God showers His or Her love in Nature or, some find God in happiness of seeing a long lost pet and some find the Light through the pain inflicted to them. For ways to God are many, many indeed.

The uniformity of religions make it dry, and solemn, and again, generic. It weakens the faith. The religions are supposed to strengthen, not weaken. The absolute faith in Allah for Muslims, must be more important than a robotic 5 times prayer a day. For religion can't live without faith, vice versa.

So, whatever we yearn for, if it's love or intellectual answer, remember, the ways can be through group, but solitude may help. For God is everywhere, and sure it can dwell within hearts-certainly corresponds to Jalaludin Rumi's famous poems-

"I tried to find Him on the Christian Cross, but He was not there. I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to the old pagodas but could not find a trace of Him anywhere.

I searched on the mountains and in the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him. I went to the Kaabah in Mecca, but He was not there either.

I questioned the scholars and philosophers but He was beyond their understanding.

I then looked into my heart and it was there that He dwelled that I saw Him; He was nowhere else to be found."

God is very fond of us, and thus give us religion. Be proud of it, be grateful for it, but remember, religion is with its own stereotypes and idiosyncrasies. Islam is not a religion. NOT a religion.For as cliche as it is, it really is the DEEn- and sorry, deen and religion are greatly different. It's up to us, wether to make our religions 'religion' or our faith 'religion'.

For there is a journey and there is an end, and an end may not be the End.

For There Is A Journey And There Is An End

but don't define the end as the END.....

Thank You, Blogspot.

Perhaps it is time to have my temporary rest. It's not because of I'm bored or something. Something happens, and very much it has to do with my life now. I need to face it now, I can't evade it anymore.

Those who read Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist would definitely know what Personal Legend is. Deep inside, I acknowledge the existence of it. I know what my Personal Legend is, and strangely enough, it doesn't have anything to do with journey and self-satisfaction, it doesn't have anything to do with faraway places or deep thinking at all, it is about me and just me.

My Personal Legend is self-acceptance. Just a simple word, but truly brings me to absolute breakdown and confusion. I am searching for something and for that, I believe that I should try to detach myself from certain matters. However, I am still what I seemed to be, just a little fat, which I HOPE to tackle in Seremban later.

So my friends, perhaps this humble blog will just be a place that I would pour any of my reading excerpts or internet reviews of any matters that spark my interest. It won't malfunction, inshaAllah.

For there are times that I wonder that why I react this way and that way, and why at certain times I found solitude in cheerfulness and contentment in solitary moments, and at time the surrounding freeze and the soul gasps for meanings.

Thank You.

Thank you, Paulo Coelho. Thank you for your wonderful books that I love most, I cherish most and I'm really grateful for.

I am sadly not able to remember all the words you said, however you don't just put into your books your words, you also put divine energy and spirit into them.

Thanks to you. May my God, or in other word your Mother bless you.

Mediocre.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices, but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence and fulfills the duty to express the results of his thought in clear form. Albert Einstein.

In this matter, I am the mediocre one. I admit it.

What is mediocre anyway?

Mediocre, according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is something of moderate or low quality, value, ability and performance, in other words, so-so or ordinary.

I honestly am not really sure of myself. I don't know what will I be, how I would live, what I stand for or my absolute aim in life. I don't know what my strongest forte, for example. My Bahasa Melayu is ordinary, I am supposedly a TESL student but my English is just perfectly mediocre. I can read literature works, without feeling bored or anything, and perhaps can give a comment or two, but to give a critical appreciation, I can't! I like sociology, or it is a new thing to me, but I can't see myself venturing to the world of sociology, yet. I hate math, and my performance in it are like waves, sometimes I perform quite well, but sometimes I perform terrible bad.

Like a classmate of mine, she is very good in literature. It is as if she was destined for TESL. Language is really her forte. Me, I write SPM-level English. Huhu. And not good at any other subjects, either.

I am not even sure what I would be. I once think of journalism once I finish 5 years contract with MARA. I even consider doing academic research in universities perhaps-but what is it? Is it English? What will I study? Some say that TESL has a very broad career range, but I wonder, will it correspond to me and my life?

I must at least know what I'm doing. I read Malay lit, English lit, various sociology books, theologians books, history, but what REALLY interest me? I can't make up my mind. Obviously we can try to master everything, but that is the cause of mediocrity.

Some will say that Albert Einstein can do it. Though he is an excellent physicist, he plays violin well. I can also say, Imam Shafie is also like that. Though he is a great scholar in matters of jurisprudence, he is also a great linguist. But I know, he is not known for his language or his excellent archery technics. He is still known for his mastery in fiqah.

Perhaps I am too young to think about it. Perhaps. I wonder. 20 years. Erm, maybe I was thinking too hard.

Quotes

A very good friend of mine in my religious school once complained about my use of quotes to express my opinions. He asks on why in some issues, I quoted Bible, Mother Teresa, Buddha, Aristotle, Agnostics, Shia hadiths, even atheists to be used in my opinions.

I would say this as a response:

1) I simply don't know the Quran verse or any Sunni hadiths that corresponds to the issue at the time or I might not know at all. Sorry, I don't have photographic memory.
2) What is wrong with that?

I simply think, if the issue or topic is universal, I don't think it is wrong to quote any renowned, inspirational, or excellent quotes from anybody. In fact, pantheists like William Wordsworth produces very beautiful quotes, and Mother Teresa's quotes are simply divine. I also wonder, what is wrong to quote Shia hadiths which to us Sunnis don't against any of our doctrines, like love etc?I respect al-Imam al-Kulaini as much as I respect Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim.

I might be faulty here, but I believe in mankind. There are excellent and insightful people out there. I believe that in terms in universal and general issues, my religion counts but I also can refer to others. I can speak of nature preservation from many perspectives, many sources, to which, I know, Quran and our beloved Prophet Muhammad's hadiths can be used as an answer. But still, I feel wrong to neglect other inspirational figures out there.

This world has many intellectuals. I adore all of them, from Saint Thomas Aquinas, to Ibnu Sina, to Picasso and Raphael, to Imam Sunan Sittah, to the historians, to the sociologists, to the mathematicians, to the doctors, to the theologians, to the warlords( I hate war in a way, but nevertheless, war is an inescapable essence of life), to the simple rural country teachers who shouldn't be considered intellectuals academically, but I adore them for they won't be any continuity of intellectuality if the lines of mankind learning stops.

As a muslim , I am deeply respect and proud of my religions' great success in intelectual menas for all these thousands of years.

However.

As a human, which is more important to me, I respect all of achievements in the world by our great ancestors to the present. I am proud of our thousands of years achievements- the pyramids, the temples, the architectural wonders, the philosophical works, the spiritual memorabilia,all of them. I am proud for the human civilizations, for we are now what they are then. Bad and good, all the same. Cynical it is, but it's the truth anyway, though the existentialist, historians and interactionists might want to differ.

Just my opinion. You may want to agree or not. Peace.

I Am Not What I Am

Some of people would recognize me for my peculiar habits i.e reading boring stuffs. Some of people would know me for I am the one of only two male TESL students in Kolej MARA Seremban. Some of people would say that I am a weird guy. Some would say that I'm a lucky guy, surrounded by girls while some on the other hand, will say that I'm extremely unlucky for that. Some would say that I am a very talkative and gossipy guy ( Ezzat Razini ~), and some would say that I am a deep??? person.A few , when they see my face, they will say that "Oh, this is Wankhai, the ex-MPP", or "Wankhai, the TESLIan ", or "Wankhai, who just got 10 in A-Level exams".

I don't care a damn about all above, what I actually care is when people associate me with "alimness" and "knowledgeble" or "nice". Really, it seriously freaks me out. I don't want to be attached whatsoever to these 3 adjectives.

"Alimness" is a total no no. For Heaven's sake,I watched American Idol, Heroes, Gossip Girl, American Next Top Model, tons of Japanese, English , Korean dramas!My daily prayers' a mess! I hardly do any nawafil prayers,and have lot of dark secrets etc...To hear that a senior thought I was an 'alim' brings me to laughter and fear!!I know I was from a religious school etc, being a naqib( to which still now I wonder why), but seriously, those who know me will say that I AM NOT at all even close to "alimness" world. Juju, for example, knows that. Hehe.

"Nice"- huhu, seriously , in Santa Claus' lists, I belong to the "naughty" ones. Hahahahahaha. I love gossiping!I love giving bad remarks on people's clothes, because I find no benefit of complimenting people for what they don't deserve". I'm a honest complimenter. Huhu.

I mean, I don't want people to misjudge me. I want them to know at least, what I am actually are, socially. I am yes, a weird person, or anything, and so they would expect what they should expect from me. I am not an alim guy who believes this or that. Once, in a chat in a friend's room, suddenly it turns to be a discussion about the "Islamic problems" in the college. I don't think I should belong to the discussion. Err, I do have an opinion about that, to which it is completely utterly a different approach, and I have to keep it to myself. Honestly. I just don't want to lie to myself.

Obviously as a Muslim, I know some matters are not to be compromised, however.

To the other end, some people who don't think they're "alim" aren't even helpful to their religion. Doesn't matter whether you are alim or not, solat is still obligatory, zakat is still wajib, and BEING A GOOD HUMAN BEING is still compulsory. Doesn't mean that you don't follow Islam or other faiths religiously you can harm yourself by taking drugs foolishly or killing people willy nilly.

I Am What I Am.

p/s: it is actually quoted from Bible, when Moses asks God who is He, however, it is quite practicable here, hehe. Peace.

Deklarasi O Deklarasi

Susah sungguh nak mematuhi Deklarasi 1010 yang dimeterai itu. Payah sungguh! Isk. Habis hancur lebur luluh deklarasi ini tatkala menghidu bau masakan ibu, atau tatkala ayah mengajak keluar ke Mc'Donalds atau tatkala keluar dengan rakan-rakan. Habis semua ditelan tanpa kompromi.

Lebih malang lagi, berat badan kini sudah membahayakan. 67.5. Serius menakutkan. Ini menandakan masuk kolej nanti, tidak boleh lagi main-main!

Aiyoo........................Deklarasi o deklarasi............................................................................................

All Of Us.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. Matthew 22:36-40

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Mother Teresa.

When there is love, there is life- Mohandas Gandhi.

Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law. Buddha

Do not consider any act of kindness insignificant, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face. - Prophet Muhammad

If you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive you your faults, and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful". (Quran 3:31)

Deep?

Zai called me a "deep guy'. I wonder about that. What does it mean, actually.

Urm. Well. I think I am not.

'Corrupted' is NOT deep, so to say.

The Day The Earth Stood Still

This movie received many critics, which in Rotten Tomatoes only 21% gave positive review about this movie.

However, I truly like this movie. Really. This movie simply corresponds to my certain thoughts of life. This movie questions our nature of human and its complexity. This move reflects our society, and most important, our devastating life.

This movie, although is about alien, but the important issue here is how we treat the Earth.

Certain things about this movie by me:

1) I really like the tense atmosphere created by the alien presence. Deep inside, I know, that is exactly what I WILL feel if I face such situation. Such panic, such unpleasant feeling, such GUILT ( the President Secretary do it well), such hope , and such VULNERABILITY and HELPLESSNESS.

2) I don't really like Keanu Reeves. He has this stone face. However, he is good then for an alien. It's convincing that way. I found alien with funny attitude or comedic manners stupid. Stupid being won't create such devastating and powerful civilization far more advanced than Earth, and a funny-looking and acting alien won't come to Earth to justify whether human should be wiped out or not. So, Keanu Reeves will do.

3) I love on how United States being mocked by Klatoo. Their egoism, pretending to be the representative of the world, which they aren't is totally crushed by Klatoo's power. Their gigantous military capability stand nothing against the alien. That will make they realize that they aren't the best , anyway.

4) The last thing, this movie explores the nature of us human holistically. It reveals our dark and bright side of our nature. I like it. I do. Very,very inspiring.

We humans always speak about discovering yourself, find inner peace, filling the emptiness. Religion always say things about great society, peaceful society, filial peiety, and though the nature is talked about, like on how we need to protect our forests, water whatsoever, it is like overshadowed by this spiritual searching things.

Look at the environmentalists organizations for example. Many of them are sadly seculars. They found 'peace' more by being closer with nature than to live like us with religions-the conflicting religions. The religions that bring more blooshed than bloom, that bring more war than peace, religions that speak on the behalf of Earth minimally and speak of human more- truly selfish. Those who watch the movie carefully will realize than aside than the US, religions are also mocked there.

This movie will give the environmentalists further courage to fight for their cause. The environmentalists who speak of no religion , of no societies, but rather they speak for the Earth. They got my salute, the same salutation I give to Mother Theresa and Al-Ma'mun al-Mu'tazilite, the same sympathy I had for my brothers and sisters in Palestine. I respect them because for us Muslims that 'memakmurkan alam' merupakan paling tinggi dalam hierarki usrah, yang bermula dengan individu muslim to baitul muslim to Khilafah to tamadun- they do it already, this 'memakmurkan alam' -though with the different definition. At least they are trying to preserve the Earth from ecosystem destruction. Huh. Apalah gunanya sebuah khilafah sekiranya dunia telah rosak, ekosistem telah hancur, gunung telah rata, dan hanya manusia yang tinggal di bumi ini......

Just my opinion. Not that you may not agree. Peace.

Kids. Spoiled Kids.I Hate Them.

It's a known fact of mine. Everybody in my class knows it. "Wankhai hates kids", particularly spoiled ones. Gee. They are an annoying being , slightly less than a cockroach crawling on my body while I was sleeping while back at somebody's room in KMS. Yucks.

It never been this way. I am previously quite fond of them. I found them nice and naive and innocent and pure and pristine and cute and silly and stupid and they have this really beautiful honest eyes that speak no harm and they being very sensitive of their surroundings and very adventurous and curious...the list goes on.

However, as I'm getting older, I quite dislike them. I don't know why! It naturally develops, this dislike.

Perhaps...I don't know. Maybe the list itslef is the reason I quite dislike them.

Naivety + innocence +pure + pristine = yucks.

Silly+stupid+too curious+ too adventurous+ too honest = euwww.

I don't know. Well, perhaps I'm being jealous to the kids. I can never be as honest as I was again, with all this hearts around me that need to be taken care of, nor I can't be as straightforward as I was, again, with mature people like me around. Kids can do that easily, and they do not get prank calls, a punch or slash in the face or a mention in somebody's Ten Things I Hate In Life written in diary or posted in blogs.

And whatever 'naughty' or 'mischiveous' things that they do, we, the 'supposedly-mature-so-we-must-be-understanding-and- supportive-ones' have to bear with it. Damn! Damn! Damn!

I hope this dislike to kids is just simply a phase. A truly disadvantage. After all, I am an educator-to-be. So, for now, just don't let any kids near me. It makes my head ceh-damn-grr-isk-euww-huh- ing all that time.

Not that we have children repellent whatsoever.

Thirteen Ghosts: The Covenant (simplified version)

Kepada semua rakan-rakan 85 TESL,

Rancangan-rancangan ini Oktober haritu mungkin payah sikit. Deeba dan Nina kata mungkin MARA xboleh buat apa. Maya pun kata susah.So, kita kena cadang program lain.

Jom buat competition among us? Buat debat pasal watak ke, apa ke? Buat open discussion. Hurm, buat essay to enhance our English ke.

Or, jom pi KLPAC lagi. Firs time tengok play haritu mmg best gila!

-wankhai-

Thirteen Ghosts: The Covenant ( fantasy Version)

Rise!Rise for our triumph!
The Queen of Necromancy Deeba!
The Icy Vampire Maya!
The Succubus Nas!
The Dark Elf Mulan!
The Dark Witch Nina!
The Black Fairy of the Netherworld Nihlah!
The Serpent Assassin Lokman!
The Forest Nymph Ain!
The Haunting Howl Jess!
The Bloody Mary Farhana!
The Black Shade Dila!
The Mother of Spirit Intan!
Rise!
I call upon thee, O Thirteen Ghosts!

The first Covenant that occurred on last October must be fulfilled.
We have spoken of few plans to revive our death and demise. We have planned for our Great Leader in the Bank of The Mud to invite the Reapers that skilled in dark arts to teach us more than what we learn than our Great Professor .

The Dark Witch Nina and the Queen of Necromancy Deeba have raised tons of zombies to carry out investigation on the above suggestions, to which we found it hard and troubling for it is not certain of success. The icy vampire Maya also has visited The Old Gypsy in Ishtar Garden to predict whether our plans can succeed or not.

For here, we need to have more plans for ourselves. So I, for example, hereby suggest a competition among us so that we would enhance our witchcraft in Ancient Englishian Language, the language used for spells. We can compose a critical appreciation of our learned spell books, or write our own dark magic essays, or we can have the open dark magic spell debate among us ghosts, using our Dark Academy Literature Syllabus.

I also hope that we can together gather our power to open the Dark portal , so that we can all go to the The Hades Abyss in Sentul to watch another play there. It might be inspiring. We can perhaps learn more dark powers

For all that have been said, I hope that those with power to reply would reply.

-The Count of Rotten Flesh, Wankhai-

Ipoh, here I come~

Well, after a week and more in Kelantan, I'm going to Ipoh today. Pasir Putih Kelantan is one of my father's numerous kampungs, while Simpang Pulai Ipoh is my mum's. I have quite an endearment or attachment to Ipoh, anwyay.

I was born here, and even raised here. Ipoh is a city of simplicity and peace. It's quite multicultural in population, and since my childhood, being my father is quite liberal and open, I used to eat in Chinese restaurants and cafes there without any caution. It is not juts one, quite a number of Malays did that. Like white coffee in Ipoh for example, the taste is OMG so great. I've been in love with it since my young days.

I didn't like the din in Kuala Lumpur. It's too noisy, way way way higher than Ipoh. Ipoh has basic or rather more-than-okay facilities. We have two big parks, Taman Dr and Taman Polo, to which lots of couple commit adultery and same sex fornication there, that makes every night Pegawai Agama have to round that area. Huhu. We have Jusco and Ipoh Parade, good enough for me. i didn't fancy too big mall, either. It is tiring to round the place.
And most importantly, in Ipoh, it has memories.

Sometimes, we need to return to our old self to realize the journeys that we've been through.
Ipoh is my memory lane, and when i return there, I would reminisce my childhood days playing at Taman Polo, shopping with my granma at Rainbow, sleeping in cold at the back while my mum made burgers for customers at our burger stall in front of a Chinese coffee-shop, or when I drive past my old school, I am reminded of my old days and how I'm turned out now.

This reminds me of a quote, " A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever".

Stop!

I pick up this slang- Gee!
It's always Gee, that.. or Gee, this....
Yucks, but I can't stop using it!
OMG.

Dahla slang old skool, slang zaman 70s dulu.

However, that's not a reason on why I should stop using Gee..
Gee, is like OMG.
It is a singkatan for Gee..sus.
Jesus.

Well, not that it really bothers me on that, but at least saying Gee/Jesus all the time instead of Ya Allah, Ya Tuhan quite bothers me.
I feel guilty, huhu.
I hope I didn't do something blasphemous.

As Aristotle says, "we are what we repeatedly do".

Ini tindak balas luar sedar. However, as an adult Muslim, I should take care of my words from now on. Don't want to create a bad habit. As the leader of Unitarian church, Hosea Ballou says," a single habit will mar an otherwise faultless character, like an ink soileth the pure white page".

And yeah, OMFG is not a good word, either. Huhu.

PS2 game

Well, I started playing Tales of The Abyss again. It is a PS2 game. Quite good storyline. Can't compare to PS2 or Kingdom Hearts, though. Get me hooked up to the TV for hours. In fact, I did ignore my breakfast,lunch,and dinner yesterday. Played the game starting at 9 am to 3 am. Stop just to have a bath and pray. God, at 3 am last night then I realised that my stomach is grumbling for food. 3.30 am, mana nak cari kedai makan lagi? Satu hari tak makan. Terus rush pi Seven Eleven and buy Maggie cawan. Jadilah.

And tadi, main lagi sampai pukul 1 ptg dari pukul 10 pagi. Mujur beli roti, adalah jugak makanan kat rumah yang aku sorang duduk ni.

My stomach is letting out a noise, again. This time , I need to get myself a proper food. Serious.

Pesimis

10 minit boleh saja buat kita fikir macam-macam yang mengarut. Macam ini.

1) Anwar PM atau Najib PM, dua-dua bala buat Malaysia . Lebih tepat, politik Malaysia kini satu bala buat semua.

2) Obama menjadi Presiden Amerika tidak mengubah apa-apa terhadap dunia. Israel misalnya.

3) Luahan rasa melalui diari , pembacaan blog atau membaca buku-buku agama sebenarnya tidaklah menenangkan jiwa atau hati yang dirasuk amarah atau kesedihan. Kepuasan jiwa apa? Pengisian diri apa? Sesetengah yang membaca Quran dengan penuh lagunya, makhrajnya, tajwidnya pun selepas menutup Quran dan menyimpannya di almari lekas-lekas membuka laptop dan bermain Fifa atau DOTA atau RA3 atau Facebook atau YM selama berjam-jam . Best. Tak boring.

4) Siapa boleh beritahu? Manusia itu in essence bad, atau good?

5) Islamisasi ekstrem yang bergerak pantas dan tanpa perancangan itu sama buruknya dengan liberalisasi ekstrem yang bergerak perlahan.

6) Kaunseling itu rubbish. Aku seorang pesimis. Memang itu aku. Bersikap pesimis itu lebih baik daripada menjadi optimis secara membabi-buta. Saya pesimis. Tetapi, tidak bermakna aku tidak optimis. Aku bersifat optimistik dalam mengatakan bahawa menjadi lebih pesimis lebih selamat dan menguntungkan dan betul daripada bersifat lebih optimis. Jadi, aku pesimis, dan aku juga optimis? Eh, bolehkah begitu? Pesimis, dan optimis dalam masa yang sama? Tak boleh? Jadi aku ini apa?

10 minit saja dan secara spontan aku menaip benda2 diatas ini. Spontan tanpa justifasi pada fakta, pada ideologi, pada akidah, atau pada konsensus. Cerminan pemikiran aku yang masih dalam kekaburan barangkali. Tetapi, lebih baik begini.

Lebih baik sedar daripada tidak sedar bahawa kita masih dalam kekaburan.

Dan selepas justikasi, aku ketemu jawapan-jawapannya. Sendirian saja. Maka betullah.

Hidup itu ialah satu pertalian kausaliti yang terjadi samada atas sebab ringkas, atau justifikasi mendalam. Maka tergesa-gesa dalam melakukan perbuatan atau pengesahan pemikiran itu satu kesilapan besar!

Sebab itu kita punya konsep muhasabah dan ijtihad.

Dikejar

Setiap daripada kita punya memori masing-masing. Ada yang manis, ada yang pahit, ada yang terlampau kompleks ,ianya tidak boleh dihurai dengan kata-kata.

Sebilangan daripada kita hendak melupakan memori ini. Kita hendak berubah. Kita tidak mahu dihantui diri kita yang dahulu. Kita mahu bebas daripada kekangan masa silam.
Tetapi memori-memori itu mengejar kita tanpa henti. Ianya rakus dan lincah.

Semakin kita hendak melarikan diri daripadanya, semakin ia laju mengejar kita. Kita letih, alah, kita mula berfikir untuk berputus asa.

Ada yang akhirnya tunduk dan berhenti berlari, dan merelakan memori-memori itu membaham mereka lalu mereka diheret ke lembah silam. Mereka menjadi kosong. Mereka putus asa akan harapan. Mereka sentiasa dihantui memori-memori lampau yang menjadikan mereka terduduk dirudung kekecewaan atau hidup kebingungan. Mereka kalah sebelum mereka mengecapi peluang menemui cahaya baru itu. Mereka tersenyum dalam sengsara.

Ada yang berjaya membina kehidupan baru, tetapi bila mereka menyangka mereka sudah selamat, memori-memori ini memanifestasikan dirinya dengan lebih jelas. Ia nyata melihat-lihat, sambil tersenyum sinis memandang kita. Hidup yang kompleks menjadi lebih rumit. Di waktu manusia-manusia ini menjalani kehidupan, memori-memori ini pula sentiasa mengintip-intip. Jelingan mereka penuh dengan niat hitam agar satu masa nanti, di kala manusia itu leka atau alpa, mereka akan menghampiri dan manusia itu akan kembali menyembah mereka.

Dan di kala itu , mereka akan datang sambil menjanjikan manusia-manusia ini tempat untuk pulang, dan menawarkan tempat untuk mengecap kembali kebahagiaan.Mereka menyelindungkan niat jahat ini dengan mengingatkan manusia ini dengan tali-tali yang mengikat rumit memori-memori . Manusia yang tidak peka pasti terpedaya. Tali-tali itu ialah tali-tali durjana yang nampak suci dan tampak kudus, tetapi rupanya direndam dalam air nanah dan darah dan air mata kesengsaraan.

Ada yang nampak dan sedar dengan jelas akan tipu daya ini, tetapi mereka menyerah. Jiwa dikorbankan dengan rela walaupun ianya satu langkah kepada kemusnahan. Kerana apa? Kerana mereka sudah tidak percaya pada masa hadapan dan perubahan.

Lebih menyedihkan, kerana mereka tidak lagi percaya pada hidup.

Realistik atau Plastik?

Penulis cukup menggemari drama Grey's Anatomy dan House. Ini mungkin bertitik tolak daripada minat penulis sendiri pada bidang perubatan dan biologi itu sendiri. Malah, subjek biologi merupakan satu-satunya subjek sains yang penulis gemari di sekolah menengah dulu. Fizik dan kimia, tidaklah begitu diminati. Haha. Selepas keputusan SPM dikeluarkan, penulis berada dalam dilema. Penulis meminati bidang perubatan sebenarnya, tetapi disebabkan penulis haemophobic, terpaksalah penulis batalkan cita-cita ini. Penulis selepas itu menimbangkan empat halatuju kerjaya: law, Bahasa Melayu, sejarah dan TESL, di mana selepas BM dan Sejarah terpaksa dilupakan kerana memerlukan STPM, penulis memilih TESL kerana skop kerjayanya lebih luas. Huhu. Tapi, bukanlah perkara di atas ini isu post ini.

Ini isu drama.

Pernah melihat drama-drama Malaysia? Spa Q atau Cinta Medik misalnya? Bagaimana pula dengan filem kita seperti Remp-It atau filem-filem hantu kebelakangan ini?

Bandingkan lakonan dalam drama Grey's Anatomy dengan Spa Q buat permulaan.
Jika hendak dikatakan, memang Spa Q menampilkan jelitawan-jelitawan Malaysia, malah kalau dikatakan nisbah pelakon lawa dan tidak lawa dalam Spa Q dan Grey's Anatomy, Spa Q lebih banyak yang lawa. Ianya subjektif, bagaimanapun.
Tapi...
Penulis BERPENDAPAT bahawa Spa Q agak plastik. Tidak realistik. Kaku. Dan wataknya hanya ditampakkan secara surface. Shallow. Wanita diangkat-angkat dan dilebihkan-lebihkan kegedikannya sedangkan setakat pengalaman penulis, majoriti golongan-golongan wanita yang dipaparkan dalam drama ini walaupun ada yang gedik, tetapi tidaklah segedik itu.

Watak-watak dalam Grey's Anatomy amat diperincikan. Mereka punya personaliti yang tersendiri, yang kompleks, yang dalam, yang bisa menarik penonton untuk menyelami perasaan mereka. Yalah, walaupun penulis dan Iz kadangkala terpaksa menarik selimut buat menutup mata atas adegan pelik-pelik,secara umumnya jalan ceritanya amat menarik.

Apapun, tidaklah kita kekurangan drama-drama yang bagus. Penulis misalnya amat meminati Pondok Buruk dan Cinta Si Penggali Kubur itu. Malah, kebanyakan drama-drama ketika Ramadhan atau Hari Raya Aidiladha amat menyentuh jiwa. Fauziah Nawi misalnya, lakonannya yang mantap boleh mengetuk naluri kemanusiaan penonton.

Oh, kenapa post pasal drama pula tiba-tiba, ya?

Begini. Kita mengharapkan bahawa suatu masa nanti, filem-filem kita lebih bersifat manusiawi, universal dan ya, penulis sangat berharap yang ini : islamis. Kita sekarang ini punya pelakon-pelakon yang boleh menjiwai watak-watak sebegini, dan kita juga memang punya filem yang bersifat kemanusiaan ( walaupun belum di tahap Islamik lagi). Penulis berharap kita semakin bergerak ke arah itu. Dan untuk menjadi sebuah filem dan drama yang bagus, isi mesti bagus, sudah tentu, dan lakonan juga mesti baik dan dimainkan dengan penuh jiwa. Baru menarik minat penonton! Filem-filem Iran, umpamanya, amat berkualiti.

Tetapi, penulis kini risau pula. Barisan pelakon-pelakon muda kitalah. Usahkan jiwa Islam, jiwa Melayu pun mungkin susah hendak dijumpai lagi. Majoritinya plastik, maaf cakap. Even pelakon Barat yang gedik-gedik sebenarnya itu pun bila berlakon mereka boleh berlakon dengan lebih baik.

Grey's Anatomy dan Cinta Medik kita, jika dibandingkan boleh buat penulis menggeleng kepala saja.

Filem-filem yang Islamik keseluruhannya mungkin masih jauh lagi untuk dicapai, tetapi kita boleh saja memulakannya usaha itu dengan filem yang lebih berisi, lakonan yang lebih baik dan ya, para pendakwah boleh terjun kedalam bidang ini.

Husna dan Asmaa' turun berlakon dalam adaptasi filem Tunggu Teduh Dulu tulisan Faisal Tehrani misalnya. Siapa tahu? Huhu jangan marah ya Husna, Asmaa!

Sehari di Kota Bharu

Dek kerana kebosanan, maka penulis pun melawat Kota Bharu buat sehari, tinggal di Raudah Hotel selama semalam. Erm, okey jugalah muzium-muzium di sini. Bersiar-siar bersama teman sekelas, Dila dan Fana.

Sekali- sekali kena juga bersiar-siar mengenali tanah air, bukan? Huhu. Dah tidak mampu menulis, letih, maka gambar-gambar sahajalah dibuat tatapan, ya.

Isnin akan bertolak ke Perak pula.
Mahu berkemas-kemas untuk check-out hotel.

Fathi, lain tahun la kamu bawa aku jalan-jalan. Syazwan juga~

Peminta Sedekah I

Tulisan pemilik blog sendiri. Hasil fiksyen. Tidak ada kena mengena dengan yang baru lahir, masih hidup, nazak, hampir meninggal dunia, atau tengah disiksa atau gembira di kubur.

Saya suka melihat-lihat manusia di sekeliling saya. Mereka ini bijak. Mereka ini ironik. Mereka ini menarik. Saya ini miskin. Comot. Buruk. Badan kurus kering pula. Saya berjalan dari satu lorong ke lorong yang lain meminta sedekah pada yang pemurah. Rakyat Malaysia pula memang sangat pemurah dan bijak berbelanja. Mereka tak kisah dengan nilaian material. Pesta- pesta Mega Sale serata negara ini tak pernah berjaya. Mall-mall kosong tanpa orang. Potongan 70% pun tak disambut masyarakat. Mereka 'pengguna bijak', kalau tak silap sayalah istilahnya. Kerana itu saya selalu mendapat sedekah. Lebih baik bersedekah buat yang miskin dari membazir, fikir mereka. Huhu. Sayalah yang untung. Alhamdulillah.

Ada satu tempat yang saya suka minta sedekah. Kedai Makan Haru Biru. Malaysia ini, peminta sedekah tak pernah dihalau. Kami dialu-alukan mengemis di kedai-kedai makan. Seperkara tentang kedai makan Haru Biru ini, lokasinya amatlah strategik. Dikelilingi masjid, bangunan UMKO , markas PUS sebelah bangunan UMKO tu, gereja Cina, pejabat tanah negeri, pejabat agama Islam daerah dan belakang lorong kedai makan ini pula ialah lorong pelacuran terkenal mak nyah dan gayboy yang menawarkan servis dengan harga yang kompetitif. Pandai tuan punya kedai ini, Hajah Mai Makan Bayar Kemudian Air Kosong Seringgit Satu memilih tempat berniaga.

Saya yang mengemis ini selalu tengok gelagat manusia di kedai makan ini. Lepas mengemis, saya melepaklah di sini. Pendapatan mengemis saya cukup makan sahaja, sehari dapatlah Rm300, bolehlah makan chicken chop sehari-hari. Ala, Malaysia makanannya murah. Naik harga minyak, lagi turun harga makanan. Sambil-sambil memotong Chicken Chop itu dan mengelap peluh yang melekat di muka dek letih memohon sedekah, saya melihat-lihatlah sekeliling saya.

Ada 4 puak utama yang makan disini waktu tengahari: puak pakcik Songkok UMKO, puak Tok Jubah Putih Serban Putih Tapi Daki Penuh Kat Kolar Baju, puak orang-orang Pejabat Tanah dan sebilangan orang agama bukan Islam yang makan di sini.

Puak Pakcik SongkokUMKO selalu cerita pasal Melayu perlu bersatu. Dia cakap ketuanan melayu perlu dijaga. Kemudian kawan-kawan dia hangguk-hangguk jela. Kena hangguk, kena setuju, pakcik Songkok yang belanja minum air. Karang dia tak belanja pula.Pakcik Songkok selalu heboh anak-anak dia berjaya. Jadi doktor, engineer,cikgu cemerlang semuanya. Jasa Kerajaan barisan Nasional la. Yang saya yang mengemis ni boleh cakap la, anak lelaki dia yang engineer tu saya kenal bebenar. Aziz namanya . Malam-malam ada di lorong belakang kedai ini ha, selalu pakai baju kemeja ketat. Cari jantan. Kadang-kadang mak nyah. Hoho. Dengan kereta Toyota Vios gelap tu, dia bawa jantan yang dia jumpa pergi Taman Tasik kat situ.Buat projek. Saya selalu terjumpa dia jugak memalam kat situ. Siap ternampak dia tengah berbogel lagi. Huish. Mujur gelap-gelap malam. Lampu taman kaler kuning-kuning malap. Takler jelas angat.

Isk xmaula cerita lagi.

Puak Pakcik Jubah Putih la selalu cerita pasal Islam , pasal parti islam dia, pasal tahaluf siyasi dia. Dia cukup benci polis . Polis ini anjing. Polis SEMUANYA bangsat. Saya senyum ja. Tak silap saya, pak Jubah ada 9 orang anak. Majoriti al-azhar educated. Tapi sorang yang saya kenal, yang bongsu. Sudin namanya. Tingkatan 5. Haritu, ada polis l/kopral yang ronda-ronda kat belukar belakang sekolah Sudin. Dia tengok belukar tu bergerak macam ada orang pulak. Dia sembunyi-sembunyi, cuba nak spy tengok apa. Mana tahu ada drug addict ka. Rupanya isk, Sudin tengah beromen dengan anak perempuan bongsu pakcik songkok UMKO. Polis tu sergah mereka. Hah, sampai sekarang polis tu dapat 500 tiap-tiap bulan oleh anak perempuan pakcik bongsu tu, buat tutup rahsia. Macam mana saya tahu? Hoho. Saya sebenarnya tengah rakam adegan mereka guna N96 saya. Mengemis. Saya miskin. Orang kaya mcm Pakcik songkok and pakcik jubah pakai nokia 3310.

Sebelah pondok buruk saya ada seorang anak muda. Nama dia Sally, asal nama Saleem. Dia mak nyah sepenuh masa. Siang tido, malam menabur bakti dalam indutri pelacuran, industri tertua dunia. Dia memang seksi. Tengok dari belakang taktau dia tu lelaki. Dia xpernah tinggal semayang. Semayang Jumaat jer dia tak pergi. Dia malu.

Tiap-tiap hari, dia belikan kuih untuk saya, dengan gaji harian dia la. Pastu dia bagi sedekah kat semua pengemis-pengemis yang ada kat kawasan sini. Setiap Jumaat, dia akan kirimkan 10 ringgit pada saya, buat sedekah masjid kat tempat saya Sembahyang Jumaat.

Baik orangnya sally ini.

Sally ini kata Aziz pernah langgan dia . Dia mantap. Dia bagi banyak duit kalau layanan memuaskan.

Bunyi guruh.

Terkejut saya. Eh eh, KELABU langit hari ini, ya?

(KELABU ini klunya. Fikirkanlah apa isinya cerita ini )

Sweet and easy

Don't ever say that we are deep. We never are. And also never do say that you are an absolute carefree person. We human are complex human beings, after all. There are times that we think of our existence and objectives of life. We did. Sometimes it happens when we're in solitude, or we're circled by harshfulness of reality, or just our mind can't hold it anymore.

Superficiality and absolute criticality always appear in our lives. They are an intertwined pair, can't be separated.

I myself won't say that I am a critical, Aristotle-soundlike person. However well read we are, or how much we are exposed to the world of intelectual pleasure, which I believe we all aren't, we occasionally would long for a superficial way of life. I am myself a lonerin theory, closing myself to any friendship based on earnestness or honesty, because deep inside, mutual benefit are mostly the cause of it. Yet I personally believe that sometimes, I must put aside all my books and thoughts, critical overanalysed and overrated thoughts and simply embrace easiness. Be easy on things, rileks rileks aja! Go out with acquaintances, playing bowling et cetera, for example.

Then I would find myself enjoy watching movies, playing games on my laptop, sms-ing friends or performing any other social activities. No harm .

I rarely put myself in the middle of things, or what we say , modesty. In fact, I can't recognise that wether I am an extremist , fundamentalist or liberalist. I simply enjoy reading their books and reflected it in my life. Here, I am intrigued with an accusation by a friend that say that I am a liberalist- to which I vehemently deny. I DON'T KNOW or DON'T ACTUALLY CARE about this labelling.

I live a complicated life already. Mere labelling of what I am is definitely won't do anything good to my life .

I hate to say that I lack discipline, courage or even determination to discover or satisfy my emptiness in life.However, I never think that by simply reading the controversial Ibnu Rushd's works or the free-thinker Ar-Razi's works or the Ismailite Shiiete Ibnu Sina' s works or the Mu'tazilite Al-Khawarizmi works make you a philospoher or one who understand life, like one of my friend thinks he is. Pathetic.

Moreover, those who indulge in superficiality of life aren't stupid ignorant people either. You don't know. And you would never know . It might be that the one that you tend to regard as ignorant can explain more about 'love ' and ' existence' that you moral upholders think.

There aren't no single absolute formulae to attain salvation. Me, a morally twisted person can say that.

" Life is like a stage of Elizabethan theatre. Too much irony, too much allegory and too much grey than the black or white. "

Time.

Strange, a bit. If I'm not mistaken, I only starts talking (in a friendly sense) to Nazirul Faiz when we're in the third semester. Now, he's quite a friend. Not that it's a problem. Just wondering, I never realize THAT.

To be exact, I never realize that I don't really looking back at what I've done these past semesters.

Now I realize few matters.

1) I'm turning to be more addicted to books these days.
2) I make friends with more people now. Even I found those who I don't talk when we're in first year coming into my room and read my magazines. Now that's something. Is it the magazine factor?
3) I now realize that I think I'm the only one person who keeps visiting my IB friends almost everyday in their block? And I just visit my friends upstairs like 2-3 times a week, barely?
4) I'm getting more comfortable with blood pictures, but still can't stand people talking about blood . It makes my hands tremble, or my head gets dizzy.
5) I'm getting confused with my recent way of life. ( You all won't understand this, hehe).
6) I am more unable to understand people these days. Am I getting more detached by the society due to my extreme hobby of reading?
7) Just now, I realize that I was mad to Nazirul Faiz for one stupid, and ridiculous reason. He doesn't deserve this.

Guess I'm strange. Ceh.

Pregnancy

A news to my fellow visitors.
My mum's pregnant.
Tuhan yang menentukan rancangan manusia, anyway.
My stepmother canceled her plan to get a child due to her job. She's too busy.
Mum got knocked up instead.

I have no problem generally, but because my mum's diabetic, I suggest her to just abort her baby because it's very risky. The baby may get Down syndrome, or deformed, or my mum might have high blood pressure. She might get worse. Too risky.

My stepmum said that she will just agree to what my mum wants. My dad too.

So my mum decided to reject my suggestion and keep the baby. I respect her choice then.

Still, the fact that I am like 19 and will have a little sibling disturbs me a bit. I don't know why. Well, the youngest in the family is supposed to be Shuhada, darjah 2. Soon, a baby. Gosh. Change of the situation. Life will soon be different.

So, my friends, do wish for the best for my mum and the baby. Now I'm trying to learn to be the eldest-supposed-to-be-mature-and-caring brother. Euww.

Huhu.

Kelantan.

I'll be going back to Kelantan for 2 weeks, in which I honestly say, "I hate it".
There's nothing there, I mean, in my kampung..
except that bloody beach, and village houses, and seafoods, and coconut tree, those things.
I'll stay there for 2 weeks.
Just like those 2004 time.
It is really torturous.
That was the time when I don't discover laptop yet and its lusty perks such as movies, animes and videos, even books are not to my liking yet.
So I practically did nothing except listening to the relatives' chat in Kelantanese accent to which I understand nothing, and pathetically I just smiled and nodded, as if I can figure what they were talking about.
Sad, sad two weeks of holiday.

But I have no fear now!
I prepared everything.
I will bring tons and tons of books ( hyperbole) to read, and I have filled my laptop with movies, animes, and other time-consuming stuffs.
I will use my holiday in Kelantan for something better, rather than just listening to some unfathomable jokes, and meaningless chat.
Call me anti-social, I know I am not. Huhu.

And so, pray for my safety and pray that I won't die of boredom there.
That's a pitiful way of dying.

Anyway, my village betul2 tepi pantai, Pantai Bisikan Bayu, Dalam Rhu, Pasir Putih Kelantan. Menapak 2 tapak je dah sentuh gigi air. So, those who know me would know why I hate my Kelantan village.

The Tables Turned

Sajak ini merupakan dedikasi istimewa kepada Thirteen Ghosts. Akan tetapi, semua orang boleh menikmati keindahan sajak ini. Sajak ini dikarang Romanticist terkenal, William Wordsworth.

An Evening Scene, on the same Subject
  Up! up! my friend, and clear your looks,
Why all this toil and trouble?
Up! up! my friend, and quit your books,
Or surely you'll grow double.
  The sun, above the mountain's head,
A freshening lustre mellow
Through all the long green fields has spread,
His first sweet evening yellow.
  Books! 'tis dull and endless strife,
Come, here the woodland linnet,
How sweet his music; on my life
There's more of wisdom in it.
  And hark! how blithe the throstle sings!
And he is no mean preacher;
Come forth into the light of things,
Let Nature be your teacher.
  She has a world of ready wealth,
Our minds and hearts to bless--
Spontaneous wisdom breathed by health,
Truth breathed by chearfulness.
  One impulse from a vernal wood
May teach you more of man;
Of moral evil and of good,
Than all the sages can.
  Sweet is the lore which nature brings;
Our meddling intellect
Mishapes the beauteous forms of things;
--We murder to dissect.
  Enough of science and of art;
Close up these barren leaves;
Come forth, and bring with you a heart
That watches and receives.
My fellow Ghosts, how ironic, right? Wordsworth asked his
friend to stop reading through books and learn from nature,
but here we're suffering with internet research, reading and
 stuff to study you!

Books, and A Disappoinment

God allowed us freedom to plan, in which we did do, always,and we also know, it is Him, the Lord who will determine the Outcome.

Yesterday, as hundreds perhaps of people went to MPH bookstores in Mid Valley for a reason: I want to buy the Twilight saga( consists of four books: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse,and Breaking Dawn). Some of you perhaps have even watched that 2-hour-and-so movie, to which Nasiha watched it twice, her friend four, and me myself two, and received such a compliment from my girl classmates. Basically yeah, the dialogs are painfully romantic enough to make girls melt, and the eyes of Edward and Isabella are enough to send euphoria to some. Huhu, 'like some personal brand of heroin'.

Back to the issue, I planned to buy those books, to my disappointment , they are all sold out. I was feeling no shock anyway. It's to be expected. Now now, I'm already here, and there's tons of other drooling books and mags, so I will just buy a few.

And so, I bought two Paulo Coelho's book, the Devil and Miss Prym and Veronica Decides to Die and technically I was not being myself yesterday because I bought Selection of Poems by William Wordsworth! Not that I say it's a waste of money. At least I have something to read in my Kelantan village later.

I always like the simplicity of language used by Paulo Coelho, it straightforward and direct, yet it feels majestic and thought-provoking. It is always a satisfying work. To me, Paulo Coelho inspires me to discover myself , yet to discover myself I have to discover things around me first.

I learn Wordsworth . And so to say, I have my respect to him. He is indeed a revolutionary poet. I never read any poem so expressive yet so simplistic, so straightforward yet so mysterious. I sadly don't really like his young poems compared to his older days. Call me extremely religious , but God resides in nature/pantheism is not to my liking. However, the poems, regardless whether it was written when he was young or not, are simply beautiful and divine.

Really my non-literature friends, try reading it. Open your heart to Romanticism. However, let us be neutral. Neutralize your exposure to the worlds of Romantics by reading Romanticism: the Weapon of Satan by author Harun Yahya.

Wankhai's Wish List

Materiastically speaking, I want to buy and have

1) All Paulo Coelho's books
2) All Hamka's masterpieces
3) The complete Twilight saga
4) An external hard drive
5) New top notch laptop
6) All Christopher Paulini's books
7) Any book related to Prof Syed Naquib al-Attas
8) Any translation of Kama Sutra ( dirty minded, am I?)- this is practically a joke. Al-Hafiz said he found one in Rusia, in Russian language obviously.
9) N96. The web, now made by hand.
10) A new belt? - the one used now is actually Juju's ( the kepala) and Iz's ( the tali).

Emotionally and socially speaking, I want to

1) Meet George W Bush, punch him and say, " You stupid moron! Look what you've done to humanity!"
2) Join any environmental or faith organizations.
3) Visit all the holy and sacred places in the world i.e Ganges River, Tibet, Great Canyon, Ise Shrine Japan, Giza pyramid , Golden Temple.
4) Shake hands with Dalai Lama, Ayatollah Khomeini( allahyarham), Ahmad Deedat( allahyarham), Mahmoud Ahmadinejad etc. Pope Benedict is excluded because he's quite anti- Islam, compared with Pope John Paul. Nay.
5) Meet a true spiritually-related friend.
6) Discover myself.

Spiritually speaking, I

1) want to discover myself, spiritually
2) be happy
3) want to get the actual truth
4) to be able to believe and stick to the truth.

However, what I really want now,is TO STOP WISHING TOO MUCH, BE GRATEFUL OF WHAT I HAVE ALREADY, AND CHERISH THE GIFTS OF GOD GIVEN TO ME.

And so, the all-knowing God,
Thank you. I might not repay you enough( never will able to repay enough), still You give so much already. I thank You.

Twilight

I watched Twilight at 3pm just now..Well, Dila is right. Romance overcomes action in this movie. And I dislike this movie a bit. Why?

a) I hate trilogies. And Twilight is. 4 volumes. Twilight-New Moon- Eclipse- Breathing Dawn. I hate the fact that if I want to know all about this story, I have to buy all books which would cost me RM200++.

b) I hate movie based on a book anyway. With cost and time constraint, there is just so few to be projected from the book into the screen. It gives an unsatisfying feeling.

Watch it. I won't deny your constitutional rights. Hehe. But be prepared because there are few scenes which I have to close my eyes. The romance level is quite high. Nay, it always included in American movies anyway, in fact in our movies it existed,I suppose. Awkward.

I am right to not read the book first. I don't want to be disappointed with the movie like one of my friend. Now, as I'm not in the mood for any 'heavy' stuff yet, let me just indulge in some ridiculous fantasy stories about wolves, vampires, magic, those tons of adjectives,similes and metaphors used by the author to describe the hot macho handsome beautiful jaw-dropping yummy male and female characters and how they feel to each other. Yucks.

And so, I'm going to buy the Twilight saga. All four of them perhaps. But where to get the money? I'll think later then . Erm. 200 bucks. That is like 4-5 Paulo Coelho's books. Or 3-4 of Jodi Picoult's works. Or half of the price of the external hard drive that I always want.

Twilight saga first? Okay okay. Though these books received bad criticisms, it doesn't hurt to simply being blank and read through it while listening to Taylor Swift's new album, Fearless.

p/s: I hate to say, Twilight movie has a lot of 'eyes' scene. Black, honey, yellow irises. I know it's all contact lenses, but I simply like it. At least I still have this romantic sense. Though just a bit.

Old Town White Coffee

I really love the assam laksa and Iced White Coffee by this Old Town White Coffee kopitiam. It originated from Ipoh. I've never liked coffee, but this coffee is a resistible one. Its' addictive.

You know, i thought of taking picture of this assam laksa and iced coffee, but i simply forget about it when i smelled such tasty aroma.

Guess next time. Huhu.

Kereta ~

Huhu, bahagianya.
I got my Gen 2 back.
Dah renew road tax.
Well, the kereta still calar balar ( because of the pakcik yang gave the kereta to me [ my father's old friend kat kelantan] berebut lane and langgar each other).
tapi still it's drivable.

Huhu
Gembira gembira. Walaupun tak pergi memana pun, tapi lecehla nak pakai helmet nak gi CC....
Not that my hair is like McDreamy ke apa, buruk pun.
Huhu.

Anyhow, yahoo. Bahagia! Sekarang nak memujuk my auntie to let me try drive her Citra plak. Which i hope i don't calar, because every car that i drove will have calar inflicted. It's destiny.
Erk.

Rindu 2

Now, i really miss dia. Really, really much!

Bosan

Alamak, road tax my Gen-2 car mati. Abah kata rilex dulu. Dia nak bayar road tax van, kancil, citra tu dulu. Semua kena bayar bulan disember ni. So, i can't drive around with my car. Tak der keje nak pi kedai nak bawak van Ford tu.

Still, i have my motorcycle. Legenda. Kaler hijau. Dah bayar habih. 4 kali accident. Semua dilakukan my brother. My motor yang suci tu dah officially jadi motor mat rempit. Dengan stiker gen motor dia tu, sukati dia tukar kaler motor tu daripada hijau to putih, without my agreement, isk. Geram.

Lama tak bawak motor. Tadi baru bawak masa nak pergi CC ni. Sudah lama tak merasa angin menampar muka. Best. And sedar tak, bila kita bawak kereta, 110 km/h tu macam perlahan je, tapi kalau motor....hoho. Macam cari bala, apatah lagi memandu kat jalan perbandaran.

And yes, my bro did some illegal adjustments to the engine. Rasa lain skit. Asap pun banyak semacam. I hope I don't get caught by police. "It's not my fault. My asik did this. Saya tak naik motor ni pun lama dah. Yes, technically it's mine, motor under my name etc, but encik polis, saya tak bersalah!" . Rasa- rasa encik polis lepaskan x? I ask my lil bro, dia kata , " takpe, aku ada kawan".

Bullshit. Kalau nak kawan, my dad sendiri boleh jadi "kawan". Dia pegawai polis pun. And the fact that my adik sudah 3 kali masuk lokap pasal takder lesen memandu, I'm not convinced with his "kawan". And so, aku pun memaki hamun my adik to make sure he readjust the engine tomorrow jugak.

Rindu

Aku rindu dia.Sungguh.

Palestin Dalam Ingatan

A simple reminder:

Palestin adalah bumi suci tiga agama monoteism, dan sangat suci buat agama kita Islam.

Another simple reminder:

Darah umat Islam itu suci dan terpelihara. Setitis darah mereka yang tumpah dek kelekaan kita, apa kita tak rasa bersalah?

Yet another simple reminder:

Yahudi Zionis mengasak-asak umat Islam di sana. Mereka menderita! Anak-anak kecil dibunuh dan wanita maruahnya dinoda!

The last reminder:

Buatlah apa yang terdaya buat membantu. Kita akan ditanya yang MAha Esa.

Ends with a prayer:

Ya Allah. peliharalah bumi Palestin ini. Ya ALlah, Ya Allah, Ya ALlah. Engkau pengatur segala. Kebinasaan palestin mendatangkan hikmah mungkin. Maka Ya Rahman, Engkau bangkitkanlah kami daripada kelekaan dan nyalakanlah kembali ukhwah Islam. Sesungguhnya jihad ini sudah malap dek kesenangan dunia. Ampunkanlah dosa kami, Ya Rahim.

Batch 8, The Snakes.

Secara peribadi, I don't think it matters for us TESLians to get involved with Batch 8 Engineering Students activities. We are a completely different group, though we are A-Levels. What they want is not what we want. What matters to us, unfortunately, doesn't really matter to them.

We Teslians are bound to New Zealand, definitely.Full stop. And it's January, definitely. Full stop. We wouldn't comment anything if you all really want to fly earlier or go to UK or any other top-notch-superb countries. We are already grateful for what we got. I know you all are too, but based on your magnificent results, that is why perhaps you want to get better offer. It's up to you. As a man sows, so shall he reap, and you all got a good harvest, unlike me, individually speaking.

If you all want to fly early, please request so to your convenience. We Teslians support you all 100%. Insha-Allah.

However, though we are all The Snakes, and in the Batch 8 group, we have different aims. We fortunately doesn't need Batch 8/The Snakes to help us. Us TESL Senior Club with 13 of us would make do what we have.

We want to propose to MARA that after A2, we all will be sponsored to attend English Classes, perhaps semi-pros level or university level English classes during our 6 months break.A month is grateful enough. We are future English teachers , and what we basically do now is just ridiculous, tons of difficult maths questions, literature as if we will a degree in Literature and Sociology as if we will be allowed to take a minor in Socio, which we aren't, because our degree in TESL are so completely fixed to the core. I think none of the Engines would consider this option right?

We want KMS or MARA to sponsor us to attend any seminar about A-Levels Literature or Socio outside the college or simply invite the examiners to give us any insight about these two subjects in this beautiful college. It's too blurry now. The subjects are too subjective. Even teachers don't know what's wrong about us and our results. Perhaps if MARA is soooo concerned with our results, please invite teachers from private college or UK for example, to help us .We are drowning in confusion and start losing all hope here.

Don't worry Batch 8. We TESLians from Batch 8 would manage this things by ourselves. We hope wo are not too dependent to each other, right? Too much dependency shows weakness. And Snakes we are, we always have to be brave.